An Unhealthy Escape
by OceanEyes1727
Summary: Harry has just returned from Hogwarts after the Triwizard tourament, and is haunted by terrible visions of Voldemort and Cedric in the graveyard. How will Harry cope with the pain and the guilt? Harry finds a very dangerous and self-destructive escape. When he loses control, it is up to Sirius and Remus to save him before it is too late. Warning: Contains graphic self-harm scenes.
1. Chapter 1

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters used in this story. Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.

 **A/N: Hi everyone! I know that this is a little darker than my other stories, but I hope that you will enjoy it all the same. WARNING: This story is about self-harm, and it may upset some people. Milo. xoxo.**

 **Chapter 1:**

"PLEASE! NO! Leave him alone… NO PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T KILL HIM! CEDRIC!"

Harry Potter bolted upright in his bed. His throat was raw from screaming. Sweat drenched the sheets, and his wet hair was stuck to his face making it look like he had just got out of the shower. He had visited the graveyard in his dreams again last night, as he had every night since returning from Hogwarts after the disastrous Triwizard Tournament. To be honest he was getting quite bored of seeing Cedric die again every night; if his mind was going to torment him it could at least show him some different memories once in a while. He looked at the door and strained his ears to make sure he hadn't woken Sirius or Remus. Quite frankly he was surprised he hadn't woken them up once with his screaming and thrashing around like a raving lunatic.

Harry was staying at Grimmauld Place for the last three weeks of the summer holidays; Dumbledore had wanted Harry to stay at Privet drive, but Sirius wouldn't take no for an answer. The Weasleys were not coming for another two weeks yet, so that left only Harry, Sirius and Remus staying in the large house, though Tonks spent almost every day there.

Harry tiptoed out of his bedroom, across the landing to the bathroom. He closed and locked the door behind him; it would not be good if Sirius or Remus saw what he was about to do. Slowly, Harry walked over to the cabinet and opened the mirrored doors. He took a box of plasters from the very top shelf and picked up the silver razor blade that he had hidden underneath it. He replaced the box of plasters before quietly shutting the cabinet.

Harry flipped the blade over in his hands, studying the sharp edge. He sat down on the white tiled floor as he rolled up the sleeve of his pajama shirt. Harry flinched violently when he saw his forearm; the once smooth pale skin was now littered with shining white lines that gradually got thicker as they travelled up his thin arm. The white lines were interrupted every so often by angry red cuts and scabs that were yet to heal. He didn't know why he cut himself exactly; all he knew was that it was his escape from the pain and the guilt. An unhealthy escape perhaps, but an escape nonetheless.

Harry looked at his arm and found an unmarked piece of skin near his wrist. He gently touched the sharp edge of the blade to his arm, before pressing harder and dragging the piece of metal across his arm. He saw the blood rush to the surface of his skin in little beads, before dripping down his thin wrist onto the floor. It was strangely beautiful, he thought, the deep red liquid dripping onto the stark white tiles.

\+ _All we've got is a precious knowledge of self-destruction_ +

Harry's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Harry is that you?" he heard Sirius call.

"Yeah, I'll just be a minute!" Harry yelled back, panicking. He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there, but the floor was covered in blood and his arm was still bleeding. He hurriedly grabbed some tissues from the shelf and did his best to clean the now drying blood. Once he was confident that there was no visible trace left on the floor, he pulled his sleeve down over his injured arm, trusting the dark fabric to hide the bloodstains. Thanking his lucky stars that it was not Remus waiting outside, as he would be able to smell the blood with his heightened werewolf senses, he unlocked the door. Almost too late, he realized that he still had the silver razor in his hand. He very quickly shoved it into the breast pocket of his pajamas.

"Hey Harry, why are you still up?" asked Sirius when he came out of the bathroom.  
"Uh – see I was – just couldn't sleep," Harry blurted. Sirius would definitely worry if he found out that his godson was having horrible nightmares every night, and was unable to sleep for more than a few hours at a time.

"Alright," Sirius said skeptically. Before Sirius could say anything more Harry had rushed passed him into his bedroom. He carefully hid the precious blade under his pillow; he would probably need it again soon. Harry closed his eyes, hoping to get another couple of hours sleep before morning. 'That was way too close,' Harry thought to himself as he drifted into a restless sleep filled with visions of Voldemort, Cedric and rats with silver paws.

 **A/N: I know that this is a very short chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please take the time to leave a review! I love it when I get feedback from people. The next chapter will definitely be a lot longer. R &R! Milo.**


	2. Chapter 2

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters that are used in this story. Harry Potter belongs to J K Rowling! Also, I forgot to put this in my last chapter, but the little quotes used in the story are just ones from the internet, they are not mine. One of them is from the Hunger Games.**

 **A/N: Hello! I know it has been a while since the first chapter was posted, but I have had an assignment that needs to be finished. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long. Please rate and review; I would really appreciate the feedback! Milo.**

 **Chapter 2:**

Sirius walked distractedly down to the kitchen, thinking about his encounter with Harry a few hours earlier. His godson had certainly been acting very strangely; Sirius could have sworn he saw him hurriedly shove something into his breast pocket as he opened the door. He remembered the scared look on Harry's face, as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn't be. And Sirius thought, just for a minute… but no, it was impossible Sirius decided. He had thought he could smell blood. If Harry was injured he would tell someone; wouldn't he?

Sirius shook his head to try to clear it. The smell of breakfast wafted up the stairs and he walked through the door to find Remus cooking eggs and bacon.

"Hey Moony," said Sirius taking a seat at the large table.

"Morning Padfoot," Remus replied. "Is Harry up yet?"

"No he had a late night last night, said he couldn't sleep," said Sirius, his mind wandering once again to his godson, asleep in his room upstairs. Remus frowned as he heard the confusion in his friends' voice.

"What happened?" Remus asked. Remus filled two plates with eggs, bacon and toast before setting them on the table and taking the seat next to his old friend.

"It's nothing… I think."

"Well I'll go and wake him up; it's eight thirty, his Hogwarts letter should be arriving soon. Dumbledore said it should be here around nine," Remus said, watching Sirius as he pushed his food around his plate.

 **\+ . . +**

Remus walked up the stairs to Harry's room. He paused outside the door, thinking. What had happened last night? Sirius had obviously talked to Harry, and it seemed like he was quite concerned. Of course, Sirius was very prone to overreaction when it came to Harry's safety and wellbeing. But still, Sirius did seem quite concerned about him.

Remus opened the door, intending to wake Harry, only to find that the teen was already awake sitting at the windowsill.

"Harry?" Remus asked with a confused and slightly worried expression on his worn face. It was very unusual for Harry not to come down to breakfast in the morning. Harry looked around at the sound of his ex-professors' voice.

"Oh. Hi," Harry mumbled quietly.

Harry went back to looking out the window, a sad and thoughtful expression on his face. He had not managed to get much sleep last night. He had been woken a second time at five o'clock after witnessing Cedric's death and Voldemort's rebirth a second time that night. When he woke up he wasn't feeling much better;

+ _I drag myself out of nightmares each morning to find there's no relief in waking_ +

His wrist was stinging and his head was aching due to the lack of sleep he had had in the last few weeks. He had woken to find blood all over the sleeve of his pajamas. He had hid them at the bottom of his washing basket; he would have to deal with them later.

"Harry?" Remus repeated, this time concerned. Harry was in fact acting very strangely today. "Breakfast is ready. Also Professor Dumbledore said your Hogwarts let should be here any moment now," Remus told him after checking his watch.

"Okay," Harry answered, not making any effort to move from his spot on the windowsill.

"Harry? Are you going to come and have breakfast with us?"

Harry looked up at Remus suddenly as if he had only just realized that he was there. "Oh – yeah, right – breakfast… coming," Harry said. Harry walked out the door and down to the kitchen leaving a completely bemused Remus standing in his doorway.

Remus did nothing for a minute. He just stood there trying to figure out what in the name of Merlin had just happened. 'He's probably just tired,' decided Remus remembering that Sirius has said something about Harry not being able to sleep. Remus tried, but he just couldn't convince himself that Harry's behavior was caused by a lack of sleep. Harry had been very down recently, but Merlin help anyone who ever asked him if he was alright. The phrase 'if looks could kill' came into Remus' mind as he remembered the one occasion he had tried to ask Harry how he was doing. Harry insisted that he was fine, even though it was perfectly obvious that he was not.

Remus sighed before following after Harry. "Merline he is so like James and lily," Remus muttered darkly to himself as he walked downstairs.

"Hey Harry, how are you this morning?" Sirius asked when he saw his godson walk into the large kitchen.

"Yeah," Harry nodded distractedly as he sat in a seat opposite Sirius and Remus. Harry crossed his arms on the table and rested his chin on his arms.

"Harry?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah," Harry said staring at a spot on the wooden table.

"I asked how you were this morning."

"Oh. I'm fine," replied Harry still staring at the spot.

"Harry!" Sirius almost yelled at the unresponsive teen sitting in front of him.

"What? What's wrong?" Harry shot up in his seat, alarmed. He grabbed his wand in his pocket.

"Harry what's wrong with you today?" Sirius asked, slightly scared of Harry's reaction.

"Oh. Nothing. I don't know," Harry said frowning to himself as he resumed his former position, head resting on his arms.

Harry didn't exactly know why he was acting this way. He was extremely tired, but he was always tired. He wasn't sad… just sort of numb. Like nothing really mattered anymore. He had been feeling this way for a while now, but for some reason today he couldn't keep a handle on his emotion, no matter how hard he might try. He also felt pain, the worst pain he had ever felt. Not physical pain, although the fresher wounds on his wrist were still stinging quite a bit. The pain he felt was a type of pain that wasn't as easily handled.

With physical pain, there is always an easy fix, a solution; pain relief potions, or healing spells. Harry found that there was no easy solution to the emotional pain he was feeling. He couldn't even figure out what the pain was, or why he felt this way. He also felt so lonely; he wasn't sure why. The logical part of his brain knew that he was surrounded by friends and people who loved him so much like Sirius and Remus and Ron and Hermione. Harry found though that nowadays the other side of his brain didn't really like listening to the logical side of his brain. It really did make everything so much harder than it had to be.

Harry supposed this was why he hurt himself. The physical pain made the other kind of pain go away. Not completely, of course, but it let him escape just for a little while. It numbed it a little bit. Harry wasn't sure why; again the logical part of his brain was screaming at him to stop, and again the other part of his brain didn't want to listen.

While Harry was thinking Remus walked into the kitchen and started to make a plate of breakfast for Harry. He set the plate down in front of him, and Harry began to push the food around the plate. Remus and Sirius exchanged meaningful glances. Something was indeed very wrong with Harry. If only they knew what it was, maybe they could help him.

Harry eventually gave up on breakfast and walked out of the room. He didn't think he could handle sitting with Remus and Sirius anymore. He felt he was about to burst. Harry hurried to his bedroom. When he got there, he locked the door and moved the desk in front of it, just to make sure. He reached under his pillow and felt the comforting feel of the cool metal blade against his warm hands.

 **A/N: Sirius and Remus know something's very wrong… what do you think they will do when they find out exactly what is going on with Harry? I don't like to give away hints! Please take the time to rate and review, I really love hearing from people. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon! Milo.**


	3. Chapter 3

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters that are used in this story. Harry Potter belongs to the amazing J K Rowling!

 **Chapter 3:**

Harry felt the familiar feeling of relief as he dragged the sharp blade across his arm. He watched the blood run down his arm and pool in the crook of his elbow before dripping down onto the cold wooden floor. He knew he needed to be more careful. At Privet Drive it was easy; no one there cared about him. N one checked on him, no one noticed his strange behavior. Here it was going to be a lot harder. Remus and Sirius were definitely suspicious, and Harry didn't want to imagine their reaction if they found out about the cutting, the nightmares, the abuse he had received from the Dursleys.

No one knew precisely how much the Dursleys hated him. Vernon Dursley would frequently beat him within an inch of his life. Harry was certain that if it weren't for his magic he would be dead by now. Harry had somehow managed to heal himself on numerous occasions, usually when the beatings were very bad. They also starved him and kept him locked up in his room for very long periods of time.

Harry watched the blood drip from the three fresh cuts that he had made on his arm. They were deeper than the other cuts he had made, and there was a lot of blood. Harry found that he didn't really care at that moment, as long as the pain and the loneliness were gone for the moment. It was strange; Harry knew that the cuts were hurting, he could feel them stinging. But he found he didn't mind the pain. He relished the pain. Harry tried to convince himself that it hurt, that he didn't like it. Only sick people liked pain. But he couldn't. He liked the pain. He enjoyed it. Harry knew there was something wrong with him, but as he watched the blood drip down his arm, he just could not bring himself to care.

"Harry? Your Hogwarts letter is here!" he heard Remus call him from downstairs. Harry, not in any rush to go downstairs, slowly cleaned the blood from the floor with an old towel he had found in a cupboard. He wrapped a piece of cloth tightly around his arm and pulled down the sleeve of his black jacket, before stashing both the cloth and is razor blade back underneath his pillow. Harry struggled to move the desk away from the door, and then went downstairs to get his letter.

 **\+ . . +**

"Here is your letter Harry," said Sirius throwing the envelope at his godson when he walked into the room.

"Thanks for that," said Harry, rolling his eyes as the envelope hit him in the face and fell to the floor. Sirius really was just a big kid.

"No problem!" replied Sirius grinning. Harry opened the letter and read the book list. Harry frowned as h saw the last book on the list. _Defensive Magical Theory_ by Wilbert Slinkhard. They must have found a new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher then. Harry only hoped it was a good one, after the disaster last year. Harry still couldn't believe that his last defense teacher was actually a Death Eater. He tried not to think about last year.

Harry looked up from his letter and realized Sirius and Remus were watching him closely.

"What?" he asked nervously.

"Nothing," they both replied. Remus returned to his previous task of cleaning the kitchen, but Sirius kept watching him. "Are you okay Harry?" he asked after a while.

"I'm fine," Harry told him curtly. This just made Sirius look at him suspiciously. It was very obvious that Harry was lying. He always looked down and fidgeted with his shirt when he lied, just like James always did. While Harry was playing with the chord on his jacket, Remus took the book list off the table and read through it.

"Molly told me that Ron, Hermione, Ginny and the twins were going to go to Diagon Alley in a couple of days, if you want I can take you there to meet them?" said Remus.

"No," Harry answered quickly. Sirius and Remus looked at him suspiciously. "I'd just rather go on my own." Sirius and Remus looked at each other as if asking the other what was going on with harry. The Harry they knew would never miss an opportunity to see his friends, especially when they wouldn't be coming to Grimmauld Place for a while yet.

"Okay then," said Remus uncertainly. "I can take you later today and we can get all your books and things. You'll need new robes; you'll have grown out of yours."

"Okay," mumbled Harry already making his way up the stairs to the top floor.

When Harry reached the room he was looking for, he opened the door and stepped inside. Buckbeak the hippogriff looked up at him as he gently closed the door behind him. Harry looked the large creature in the eyes and bowed down low, not breaking his eye contact. Buckbeak looked at him for a moment before bending his head down to the ground and bowing to Harry. Harry walked across the room and sat next to Buckbeak who was lying on the ground. Harry leaned against the hippogriff's large feathery wing and stroked him absentmindedly, thinking to himself.

Harry knew that if he went to Diagon Alley with his friends they would no doubt pester him, asking if he was okay and how he was doing and how he was dealing with everything that had happened. He knew they would ask about Cedric. There was no way that harry would be able to hide his deteriorating mental health from his two best friends, and he knew that.

It would be easier at Hogwarts where he could easily blame it on the stress of exams or just being back at school.

Harry wasn't sure how long he sat there before he heard the door open and saw Sirius come into the room. Sirius sat down in front of his godson.

Sirius just sat and looked at Harry for a while. Harry was still staring at Buckbeak while stroking him. Sirius saw a haunted look in Harry's eyes that had never been there before when Sirius had known him. He saw the dark circles underneath his eyes, and wondered how often it was that Harry couldn't sleep.

"Harry?" Sirius asked quietly. Harry didn't respond. He simply sat there, staring off into space.

"Harry, are you alright?" At this question, Harry seemed to come alive. Something snapped inside of him. His head whipped up so fast Sirius was sure he would have a sore neck. His eyes were made of emerald fire as he looked at Sirius, rage evident on his boyishly handsome features.

"I am fine! There is nothing wrong with me!" Harry yelled at a thoroughly bemused Sirius.

"Harry, calm down please," Sirius said looking into the young teen's eyes. "Remus and I are worried about you. You haven't been yourself. We just want to make sure that you're happy Harry, I wasn't suggesting there was anything wrong with you." Harry visibly calmed at his words.

"Sorry," he mumbled quietly. "I don't really know what came over me." Harry looked down at the floor, a slow blush spreading across his face.

"Harry, do you want to talk about anything?"

"It's just – I – I can't. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be sorry Harry," said Sirius sadly. He knew that there was something wrong with his godson, but he wouldn't talk to anyone. "But if you ever need to talk about anything, no matter what it is, Remus and I are always here for you. You know that right?"

"Of course," replied Harry softly, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

"You'll come and tell us if there's anything wrong?"

"Yes," Harry lied. Harry hated lying, but he had become quite adept at it over the last few years of his life. He was constantly lying to people; his friends, his teachers, Sirius and Remus, everyone. It was always the same lies as well. I'm fine, I slept fine, I ate enough, I'm not hungry, no I didn't have a nightmare, I don't know where the knife came from, it's just red ink, Crookshanks scratched my arm, Hedwig cut my wrist; the list goes on and on. Harry was sick of lying. Harry hated lying. But he didn't really have another option, he thought.

He had considered talking to Remus. He had seen the faded white lines that decorated the werewolf's arms. But if he talked to Remus he would surely tell Sirius, and Sirius would surely tell Dumbledore. If Dumbledore found out, then soon everyone would know. 'Just what I need,' thought Harry, 'Another article in the Prophet about the Boy-Who-Lived gone mad'.

Harry was brought out of his thoughts by Sirius.

"Remus is waiting for you downstairs; he said that it's time to go to Diagon Alley."

"I'll be there in a minute," Harry said before walking out of the room leaving Sirius looking sadly at the spot on the floor his godson had just vacated.

 **\+ . . +**

"Come on Harry, we'll take the Floo to the Leaky Cauldron," Remus told the dejected looking teen who was trudging down the stairs as if he were walking to his own execution. "What's wrong?" Remus asked.

"People are going to stare at me," Harry whined, sounding a lot more like a fifteen year old than usual. Remus smiled a little at this.

"Well, you are the Boy-Who-Lived; you should be used to it by now. Also the Prophet's not helping, telling people you're a nut job and whatnot," Remus sad.

"Oh, gee thanks Moony. I feel loads better." Harry grumbled as he walked over to the fireplace and took the pot of Floo powder from the wall, perhaps a little more forcefully than was strictly necessary.

"Careful," Remus chuckled as the greenish powder spilled on the floor. Remus waved his wand and sent the powder on the floor flying back into the box. "And Harry?"

"Yeah?" Harry placed the box back on top of the fireplace and turned to look at his ex-professor.

"Don't get lost this time," Remus smirked at Harry, who stuck his tongue out. Harry threw the powder into the flames before stepping in and shouting "The Leaky Cauldron!"

 **A/N: A bit of a boring chapter, but the next one should be a lot more interesting. Sorry! Please take the time to leave a review; I would really appreciate your feedback! Milo.**


	4. Chapter 4

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter (obviously!) or any of the characters used in this story. Harry Potter belongs to the amazing J K Rowling! Also I don't own the little quote things I use, I just find them on the internet or in books.

 **A/N: Hello! I know that it has been a little while, sorry! This chapter is a bit more interesting than the first few, at least in my opinion. Please leave a review and tell me what you think! I really appreciate the feedback and try to take on board any suggestions given to me! Milo.**

 **Chapter 4:**

His heart was pounding. All he could hear was the pounding in his chest, his ears, his throat, his head. Every so often the pounding was interrupted by sudden bursts of noise, yelling and laughing, talking and crying. His throat seemed to constrict, and he couldn't breathe. That's when the world started spinning. His senses were in overdrive; he could feel every touch, every person that brushed up against him. He could hear every noise, every yell, every scream.

He jumped violently when he felt someone grab his arm in a firm grip and start dragging him away. He struggled against the grip, desperately trying to free himself. He heard a door close, and everything was silent except the ringing in his ears.

"Harry? Harry!" Harry could hear someone screaming. Harry started to sway on his feet, but before he could collapse someone had grabbed him and led him to a couch. Once Harry was sitting on the couch, he put his head in his hands, his body shaking like a leaf in the summer breeze.

"Harry! Remus what happened to him? What's wrong with him?" Harry heard a new voice enter the room. It seemed familiar, but Harry wasn't thinking straight at the moment.

"Harry! Harry what's wrong?" Harry looked up and saw his godfather kneeling on the floor in front of him looking panicked and worried. Harry blinked a few times and shook his head to clear it.

"Sorry," he mumbled looking at Remus, who was standing behind Sirius looking at him with his brows furrowed in concern.

"Harry what happened?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing. Nothing happened. I just… It was… nothing. I'm sorry."

"Nothing? You call that nothing? Harry you had a complete breakdown! It was almost like a panic attack, but ten times worse!" Remus almost yelled at the infuriating teen.

"I know what it was like, thanks," he replied coldly. After all, he thought; I am the one who has to live through these attacks.

"Harry, please, just tell us what is wrong," Sirius pleaded. "And don't say it's nothing, we're not stupid. We know there's something."

"I'm fine. Sorry." Harry stomped up the stairs rubbing his head. His attacks always left him with a pounding headache.

"Harry please just come back here and talk to us," Remus said softly. Harry paused halfway up the stairs. For a moment, Sirius and Remus both thought that he was going to come back down, but Harry just kept walking.

Once Harry reached his room, he locked the door and moved the desk in front of it. He flopped down onto his bed, face first and let out a scream which was muffled by his pillow. He was so stupid. How could he have let this happen? He was always so careful, putting up his mask, faking a smile and a laugh.

+ _A fake smile can hide a million tears_ +

He and Remus had been in Diagon Alley, and they had bought everything that Harry needed for school. They were on their way back to the Leaky Cauldron, when all of a sudden, everything got louder. People seemed to yell louder than they were before. It was as if someone had turned the volume up on the entire Alley. Everything seemed brighter and more overwhelming than it had before.

Harry often had these attacks, at random times. But there was usually something that triggered it; whether it was a mention of Voldemort or Cedric or Wormtail, or anything that reminded him of the horrendous tragedy of the Third Task. Today he couldn't think what caused it.

Harry knew these attacks were only getting worse. They had started out just like normal panic attack, only very rarely did he get them. But as time went on, his nightmares got worse and he could see into Voldemort's mind more often. Once or twice he had caught flashes of what he was doing, where he was. The truth was, this was killing him. Not physically; it was affecting his physical health greatly. He had stopped sleeping, stopped eating as much and he isolated himself from everyone else. He was pale and sickly looking and he didn't want to imagine what Mrs. Weasley would say if she saw how thin he was.

It was killing him on the inside. No one could see it, but he was dying. He felt like someone was trying to rip his heart out of his chest. He could feel Voldemort's emotions so often now that half the time he didn't know whether he was actually angry or sad or happy or whether it was Voldemort in his mind. He was going crazy. Literally. Harry knew he was crazy, but he hid it. He didn't need everyone else to know he was crazy.

Harry desperately wanted to sleep, but knew what was waiting for him when he closed his eyes. Visions of murder, death and destruction. Harry had recently started having old nightmares about the Quidditch World cup, and once or twice he had even woken up crying after seeing Ginny's unconscious form on the chamber floor.

Harry lay there on his bed for a while. He tried to fight the tiredness that seemed to weigh him down like weights. Eventually he lost his fight.

 **\+ . . +**

"What happened Remus?" Sirius asked his best friend in a pained voice. Harry had looked like hell when he came out of the fireplace; his whole body had been shaking violently and his face was deathly pale.

"I don't know," Remus replied, a thoughtful look on his face. "It was sort of like a panic attack. I don't know what happened. All of a sudden he just stopped. He was muttering nonsense and wasn't breathing properly."

"Why?"

"I don't know Padfoot, but there is something wrong," said Remus.

"Oh really, Moony? I only just noticed!" Sirius snapped at his only friend. Remus just rolled his eyes. He knew Sirius was just stressed and would probably apologize in about two minutes.

"I'm sorry Moony," Sirius said looking down.

"I know," Remus told him. "We need to get him to talk t us. We can see that something is seriously wrong, but he won't tell us what," said Moony. Both he and Sirius were slightly hurt that Harry didn't trust them enough to talk to them.

"WE should go check on him, make sure he's alright," Sirius said before getting up off the couch and walking up the stairs, closely followed by Remus.

When they got up to the top of the staircase, they heard screaming. Harry. Both Remus and Sirius ran the rest of the way to the teen's room and burst open the door.

Harry was on his bed, asleep. He seemed to be having a nightmare of some sort.

"NO! PLEASE! DON'T HURT HER! KILL ME INSTEAD!"

"Harry! Harry wake up! Wake up!"

"Harry wake up, it's just a nightmare."

Both Remus and Sirius tried to wake the sleeping boy. After a few minutes of this, Harry bolted upright breathing heavily. He was shaking and pale, drenched in sweat.

"Harry! Are you ok?" Harry started at the sound of his godfather's voice.

"AGH!" Harry yelled before falling backwards off the bed. He hastily leapt to his feet and pulled out his wand before realizing it was just Sirius and Remus.

"Harry are you alright?" Sirius asked after Harry had lowered his wand.

"Fine," Harry answered shortly placing his wand back on the bedside table. "I'm fine."

"Harry you're not fine, there is clearly something wrong," Remus said. "You've been unhappy ever since you got here, you don't want to see your friends, then whatever that was today in Diagon Alley, and now we find out that you've been having nightmares. You can't tell us that there's nothing wrong Harry." Remus tried to reason with him.

"I'm fine," Harry repeated, sitting down on his bed. He clearly hadn't been doing as good a job as he thought he had at hiding his depression. He would just have to try harder from now on, he decided. "And I haven't been having nightmares, that was the first one," Harry lied. Harry hated lying, but he also didn't want Sirius and Remus to worry about him Anymore than they already were.

"Harry, can you tell us the truth please?" Sirius asked. "How long have these nightmares been happening. Harry looked up at his godfather and tried to put on his best happy face.

"It's fine, it wasn't even that bad. They don't happen often," Harry smiled. Sirius just rolled his eyes. Remus had to hold back a laugh. He had just jumped out of bed screaming and turned his wand on them and was now smiling like Christmas had come early and telling them it wasn't that bad.

"Harry you were screaming bloody murder," Sirius pointed out to his stubborn godson.

"Oh. Sorry about that," Harry winced at the expressions on both Sirius and Remus' faces.

'Damn,' he thought to himself. He had to try to stop doing that. There was not much he could do about it though; after all he was asleep when it happened.

"Harry how long have you been having these nightmares for?" Sirius asked again, his voice now barely louder than a whisper. Harry looked at them both and sighed in defeat. They weren't going to leave him alone until he told them, and he knew that.

"I've been having nightmares ever since I can remember. When I was little I would see a lot of green light and hear screams; my parents," Sirius and Remus both flinched at the mention of their best friend's murders. "Ever since the third task I've been having nightmares once or twice every night."

Harry instantly regretted telling them the moment that he saw their faces. "What was that one about?" Remus asked is a strained voice.

"Ginny. In the chamber. And Tom… he said he was going to murder her," Harry told them. This one was particularly bad, and he had it often now. He wasn't sure why it hurt him so much to see Ginny unconscious on the chamber floor. He figured it was because she was like a sister to him, but deep down, though he would never admit it to himself, he knew that it was something more.

"Do you have that one often?" Sirius asked, confused. Yes, what happened in the chamber was terrible, but it had been over two years since then, and harry had faced worse since then. Much worse.

"Yes. But usually it's about Cedric." Harry said. He wasn't sure why he was telling them this. Perhaps it was because he had locked everything away for so long, he had never had someone to care for him before.

"Harry why didn't you tell us?" Sirius asked the teen.

"I – I didn't want to worry you?" Harry's statement came out sounding more like a question. Sirius pulled the idiotic teen into a tight hug. How could he have been so stupid? His godson, James and Lily's son, had been suffering and he hadn't even realize, he hadn't done anything about it. 'I'm so sorry James,' Sirius thought.

"We should get you some dreamless sleep potion," said Remus.

"No," Harry told him. "I don't need it, and it tastes gross," Harry said scrunching his face up in disgust. Sirius laughed at his godson's childishness.

"Harry," Remus warned. Harry looked up at the werewolf who had a determined look on his face.

"But I don't need it!" Harry argued. Sirius and Remus tried to convince him, but Harry would not cooperate with the two. Eventually they told him that as long as he told them every time he had a nightmare, he didn't have to take the potion. For now anyway.

"You promise you'll come and tell one of us if you have a nightmare?" asked Remus.

"Yes Remus, I promise," Harry lied through his teeth again. There was no way that he was going to go to either of them in the night like a scared child.

"Alright. Come down and have some dinner," Sirius said.

"I'll just get changed," Harry told them both as they left the room. As soon as they left, he reached under his pillow for the comfort of the metal blade, and hurried to the bathroom with it. He added three new cuts to the ones that already littered his pale arm. He felt the familiar feeling of relief and the odd numb feeling that cutting gave him.

He quickly dressed in a dark gray long sleeve top, blue jeans and a black jacket, and hurried downstairs before Remus or Sirius could get too suspicious.

 **A/N: Hello! I hope you liked this chapter. I know that it was a bit different to the other chapters, so please leave a review and tell me if you liked it! The next chapter will be up shortly. Sirius and Remus found out about Harry's nightmare, so they are surely going to start watching him a bit closer. I hope you like it! Milo.**


	5. Chapter 5

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Harry Potter and its characters belong to the amazing J K Rowling.**

 **A/N: I have to go back to school in a day :( Once I go back to school I may not be able to post as regularly as I have been, but I will continue to update my stories at least once or twice a week, probably more if I can manage it. I hope you enjoy the next chapter! Please leave a review and give me some feedback. Milo.**

 **Chapter 5:**

"NO! PLEASE NO! DON'T KILL HER PLEASE, PLEASE! NO! AGH!" Harry woke to Sirius' voice trying to calm him down.

"Harry it was just a nightmare. It's not real. He can't hurt you. Ginny's safe, she's coming to stay next week." Sirius knew that Harry had once again relived his experience in the Chamber of Secrets. Again, Sirius wondered why his godson continued to have this particular nightmare. He had a theory, but he would have to wait until the Weasleys arrived to see if it was correct.

Harry looked at Sirius, his emerald eyes filled with unshed tears.

"Harry are you okay?" Sirius asked, worry etched on his once handsome face. Sirius knew that Harry was not okay. A few days had passed since he and Remus had first found out about Harry's nightmares, and Harry still refused to talk about them, or take a dreamless sleep potion.

"I'm fine," Harry answered. This was Harry's answer to nearly every question that Sirius and Remus asked. Sirius and Remus were started to get very fed up with the stubborn teen.

"You're not fine Harry. You're up at least once or twice every night screaming because of nightmares, you barely do anything during the day aside from sit on your bed, and you don't talk to anyone unless you're asked a direct question. Also you refuse to see Ron, Hermione and Ginny. They're all really worried about you Harry," Sirius tried to talk to his godson again.

"That really was a great speech, but I'm tired." Harry replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Also, I asked you to put a silencing charm on my room." Harry rolled out of his bed and made his way to the bathroom, where he had stashed his blade earlier.

"Harry, you can't avoid talking about your problems forever," Sirius told him. It hurt him that Harry didn't want to talk to him.

"Watch me," replied Harry as he left the room. Remus stood in the doorway staring at Harry's retreating back.

"Still can't get him to talk?" he asked his friend.

"No. He keeps saying he's fine. I don't know what to do Moony. The nightmares haven't stopped, he won't talk to us and I just know that there are other things that he's hiding," Sirius said, his voice pained.

"I know. I don't think he's coping Sirius. I don't think he's coping at all."

Little did the two Marauders know, Harry was standing on the other side of the hall listening to their entire conversation. Anger flared within Harry and his piercing emerald eyes darkened a few shades. He didn't have to tell them anything. He was sick of people telling him he was not okay, that he was not coping, that he needed to talk to someone. He had been getting this crap from Ron and Hermione for years, he did not need it from Remus and Sirius too.

Harry walked the rest of the way to the bathroom and locked the door. He reached up and opened the cabinet on the wall above the sink, and opened it. He grabbed the box of plaster, which also had his blade hidden in it, and then shut the cabinet again.

Harry sat down on the tiles with his back against the door. He rummaged through the small box until he felt the metal of the razor blade. He pulled out the blade and let the box drop the floor beside him. He pulled up the sleeve of his pajama top, and looked at his arm. Just the other day, it had been covered in scars and cuts. Now it was barely possible to tell one cut apart from another, and his entire forearm was caked with dried blood.

Harry stood and walked over to the sink. He turned on the tap and stuck his arm under the water. Hissing in pain, he watched as the clear water was tainted with red blood, turning it a light pink color. Once his arm was clean, Harry walked back over to the bathroom door and resumed his former position on the tiled floor.

Harry could feel every emotion, every thought that seemed to stab at his heart. The anger he felt toward Sirius and Remus, trying to pry into everything; the hatred he felt towards himself for getting Cedric killed; the fear he felt for Ginny when he saw her lying unconscious on the Chamber floor, her brilliant red hair splayed around her head, the ends dyed a brighter shade of red as the ink from the cursed diary spread across the floor. Harry cut into his arm once, twice, three times and watched the blood drip onto the floor. He made another cut, this one deeper, the blood rushing out slightly too fast.

Harry knew he was losing control. He thought when he had starting cutting himself that he could control it, only go deep enough to satisfy his sick need for pain and relieve the tension in his chest. But he couldn't control it; he knew that now as he saw black and white spots interrupt his vision. If Harry was not careful he could end up doing some serious damage. Harry knew what he was doing was extremely dangerous, but he couldn't stop. He needed the release.

+ _The worst part about self-destruction is that you are fully aware of it, but there's nothing you can do to stop it_ +

Harry hurriedly grabbed a hand towel from the cupboard under the sink and pressed it firmly to the cuts on his forearm. After what seemed like forever, the bleeding finally stopped. Harry was still shaky; he had lost quite a lot of blood. He needed to clean it up before Remus came too close and smelled it. Then he would be in real trouble. Harry quickly cleaned the blood with the remaining towels in the cupboard, before filling the sink with bathroom cleaner and letting the towels soak in it to try to hide the sickening metallic smell.

Harry then took the towels out of the sink and carried them across to the laundry where he proceeded to put the towels in the washing machine and turn the temperature up as high as it would go. There, now no one would ever know. Harry crept back to his room and fell into a fitful sleep.

 **\+ . . +**

"Morning Harry," Sirius greeted his godson as he came down the stairs, hair still wet from his shower.

"You're finally out of the shower. We thought you might have been trying to drown yourself," Remus told him as he sat down tiredly at the table. Harry had been in the shower for a while. He could still feel the fierce stinging on his arm from where the scalding hot water seeped into his wounds. It hurt. 'Good,' thought Harry. 'It's what you deserve Potter'.

Harry didn't realize he had been staring at the table until Sirius started waving his hand in front of his face. "Hello? Anybody home?" Sirius asked. Harry jumped.

"Sorry," he mumbled, turning to the plate of breakfast that had materialized in front of him. "Just thinking."

"What about?" asked Sirius. He looked at his godson and saw the familiar pain in his eyes. Sirius was used to seeing this now. It had been there ever since Harry had come to them for the holidays.

"Nothing important," replied Harry. Harry pushed his food around his plate with his fork, as he had every morning for the past week.

"Harry you need to eat something," Remus said firmly. "You have eaten barely anything since you got here."

"I'm not hungry," Harry told them.

"Harry, please juts eat something, and then you can go and do whatever you want." Sirius and Remus continued to try to persuade the teen to eat something. Eventually Harry ate three spoonfuls of egg and a few bites of toast just to shut them up so that he would be a allowed to go back up to his bedroom.

Harry had been laying on his bed for about twenty minutes when he heard someone knock on the door.

"Come in!" Harry called. It was Remus.

"Sorry to disturb you Harry. I was just wondering whether you wanted to go out or something today? You've been inside all holidays and it's not good for you."

"No, I'm fine," Harry replied, staring out the window on the other side of the room.

"Right, well could you come downstairs for a while then? Sirius and I just want to talk to you," Remus said, his voice now tinged with sadness.

"Alright." Harry got up off his bed and walked back down the stairs, closely followed by Remus. "By the way Harry, did you put those towels in the wash?" Remus asked.

"Oh. Yeah. I did."

"Why?" Remus asked, slightly confused as to why Harry felt the need to wash twelve hand towels that, to his knowledge, had not even been used.

"They were dirty," Harry replied vaguely. "What did you and Sirius want to talk to me about?" Harry asked, desperately trying to change the topic.

"Nothing important. We just want to check up on you," Remus said quietly, afraid that Harry would get angry or blow something up. Despite being fourteen, almost fifteen, years old, Harry still had little control over his accidental magic. It wasn't so much that he had little control over it, Remus thought, but he didn't seem to try very hard to control it. He had never taught himself to control it like most young witches and wizards do. Dumbledore had also said that it might be because of the sheer amount of raw magical power flowing through Harry's veins, and the fact that he shared many of his emotions with Lord Voldemort. Sirius just said it was because he was Lily's son. Remus thought that Sirius may be onto something there.

Harry didn't get angry or explode anything, much to Remus' relief, but instead quietly followed Remus as he led Harry to the drawing room where Sirius was waiting for both of them.

"Hello Harry," Sirius said brightly as Harry walked into the room, a huge grin on his face.

"It is way too early in the morning to be that happy," grumbled Harry to his childish godfather.

"Harry its midday," Remus pointed out.

"My point exactly," Harry replied dryly. "Now what did you want to talk to me about?"

"How are you Harry?" asked Sirius, the grin sliding off his face, his bright and cheery tone was replaced by one of worry and concern. Harry looked at the both of them, anger bubbling up inside him like molten lava. He was sick of people asking how he was. He was sick of people worrying about him all the time. Sick of people asking if he was okay, when all he really wanted to do was rip the skin off his face and forget everything about himself.

"I'm fine," Harry answered in a voice of forced calm. Anyone who didn't know Harry as well as Remus and Sirius would not have recognized the sadness in his eyes and the slightly too cheery voice that meant that Harry was lying.

"No you're not, Harry. Please don't insult out intelligence. We're not stupid, and we can tell that you are lying," Remus said in a very tired voice. Harry began fiddling with his jacket sleeve. Sirius seemed not to notice this, but the small movement attracted Remus' eyes immediately. 'No, it's impossible,' Remus thought to himself. The idea that Harry might be harming himself was preposterous. Remus shook his head slightly to clear it. Harry continued to fiddle with the left sleeve of his black jacket.

"Harry, please just answer our question," Sirius pleaded. Harry looked at them both, forcing the anger back down. They were only asking because they cared about him, and were worried about him. The thought that they actually cared about him almost made Harry want to tell them he was not okay. Tell them that he was sick of living, and being the Boy-Who-Lived. But he couldn't. It wouldn't achieve anything and it would just make them more worried.

Harry's jacket, which was of course about four sizes too big as it had belonged to Dudley, started to slip down and the sleeves covered his hand. Harry absentmindedly shook the sleeves back to free his hands. Something on Harry's wrist caught Remus' eyes, and he reached out and grabbed the teen's wrist tightly in his grasp.

"Remus, what's wrong?" asked Sirius confused. Harry sat there with wide, terrified eyes as the werewolf pulled the sleeves of both his jacket and shirt up to just above his elbow.

 **A/N: Sorry, I know it ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, but I just couldn't help myself. I don't know why they're so fun to write, especially when they're very annoying to readers! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and the next one should be up within the next week, probably a little less than a week. Please leave a review and tell me what you though! Milo.**


	6. Chapter 6

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters that are used in this story! Harry Potter belongs to the fabulous J K Rowling! Thank you J K Rowling!

 **A/N: Hello! It's been a bit longer than usual since my last update, but I have recently gone back to school so I have not had as much time to write as usual. I will still continue to update regularly though! I am also working on another one-shot story that would not leave me alone. Sometimes I can't focus on anything else until I write down whatever's in my head! Hope you enjoy, and please leave a review telling me what you thought! Wow I use a lot of exclamation marks in these author's notes. Milo.**

 **Chapter 6:**

 _Harry's jacket, which was of course about four sizes too big as it had belonged to Dudley, started to slip down and the sleeves covered his hand. Harry absentmindedly shook the sleeves back to free his hands. Something on Harry's wrist caught Remus' eyes, and he reached out and grabbed the teen's wrist tightly in his grasp._

 _"Remus, what's wrong?" asked Sirius confused. Harry sat there with wide, terrified eyes as the werewolf pulled the sleeves of both his jacket and shirt up to just above his elbow._

Remus and Sirius both gasped as Harry's forearm was revealed. The skin on his right arm was no longer smooth, but covered in jagged scars and cuts. Sirius rushed across the room to kneel next to Remus and get a closer look at his godson's arm.

"Harry why?" Remus asked, looking up at the boy with a tortured expression on his face. Remus knew some of the reasons people chose to harm themselves. He himself had once resorted to slashing his wrists to make himself feel better. But Harry had amazing friends, and all the support a teenage boy could need. Except for his parents that is. But Remus knew that Harry didn't do this because of Lily and James. No he would feel too guilty, like he was betraying them. Remus knew that if h had decided to trust Sirius and James with his secret he would never have resorted to harming himself.

"Harry what happened to your arm?" Sirius asked in a strangled voice. Sirius knew exactly what had happened to his godson's arm. He had, after all, helped Moony when he had been cutting himself. But even though he knew what happened to Harry's arm, he still wanted Harry to tell him that it wasn't what he knew it was. He wanted to hear some other explanation as to how the cuts and scars had come to be on Harry's arms.

Harry stood where he was, frozen in fear, with a terrified expression n his face. He knew one day that Remus and Sirius would find out. He had just hoped, perhaps foolishly, that he would have stopped hurting himself by then and it could all be forgotten. But deep down, Harry knew that he needed help. He would never admit it, even to himself, but he knew that he couldn't stop on his own.

It was as if the blade controlled him. It made him sane. Hell, at times it was the only thing that could keep him sane. Apart from perhaps little Ginny Weasley. She always seemed to be able to pull him out of his dark moods. ' _Where did that come from?'_ Harry thought to himself, confused. He shook his head to clear. '' _It's just because she doesn't get worried about things like Ron or Hermione, or ask me a hundred and twenty questions when I'm upset.'_ Harry tried in vain to convince himself that his feelings for the petite redhead were entirely platonic.

Harry was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn't realize that Sirius and Remus were trying to speak to him.

"Harry?!" he heard Sirius call. His head snapped up immediately, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks. "Yes," he answered.

"Why would you do this to yourself?" asked Remus. He looked between the two Marauders. They both looked very concerned and sad, but thankfully Harry didn't see any pity on their faces. He hated it when people pitied him.

"Er – well – see I – well…" Harry gave up on trying to talk and instead opted for staring at the carpet, which in Harry's opinion had become really quite fascinating in the last couple of minutes.

"Harry?" Sirius looked at the teen who seemed absolutely petrified. He wondered why he was so scared. Surely he knew that he could tell them anything by now. They weren't going to be angry or anything. Sure they'd be upset, but only because they were worried about him.

"Harry we're not angry. We're not disappointed. We're just worried. Will you tell us why you do it? We can't help you unless we know why you're hurting yourself," Sirius told the scared teen in a soft voice. Harry looked up at him, his emerald eyes meeting his godfather's gray ones.

"I don't know exactly. It – it helps," Harry said in a quiet voice. Normal wizards probably would not have been able to hear what Harry had said, but Sirius and Remus both had slightly heightened senses.

"Helps with what Harry?" Remus pressed. Sirius and Remus were whispering, as if afraid talking too loud would cause Harry to freak out and run away.

"I am sick and tired of all the attention. Of being the Boy-who-lived, the Wonder Boy who supposedly fended off Voldemort when he was one year old! I was one! I didn't do anything!" Harry stopped his rant only to take a deep breath and keep going. "I am sick of people expecting me to be the wizarding world's savior, and now the Prophets talking about me like I'm some kind of raving lunatic! Well now I'm not even sure if I'm not a lunatic. No, scratch that, I am definitely a lunatic and now everybody stares at me weird. Even weirder than they did before! I am sick to bloody death of people thinking that I'm going to be some amazing wizard with extraordinary bloody powers. I am sick of people going on about the amazing things that I've supposedly done. I had help with everything! I never did any of that alone! I am not special and I just wish people would stop telling me I am! I don't want to be bloody special! I just want to be a NORMAL BLOODY WIZARD!"

Sirius and Remus ducked down when the door of the glass cabinet against the back wall shattered, spraying small shards of glass all over the room. Harry stood then in the middle of the room, which was now covered in glass, fuming. He pulled his sleeves back down to cover his arm, before turning on his heel and storming out of the room leaving behind two very shocked, and slightly scared, Marauders.

"Well," said Sirius turning to his best friend. "Now we know why he's so upset!" Sirius said as if nothing bad had happened. Only the sadness and concern in his eyes gave him away. The rest of his face was arranged into a cold mask of indifference learned from so many years of abuse and neglect at the hands of the notorious Black family. Remus just glared at the dark haired idiot.

 **+HPSBRLHPSBRLHPSBRL+**

Harry ran upstairs as fast as he possibly could, slamming his bedroom door loudly behind him. He leaned his back against the bedroom door, his face was flushed an angry red, and his breathing was fast and erratic. He could not believe that he had just yelled at Sirius and Remus for no reason. They were only trying to help him. And then he had gone and blown up the bloody cabinet for Merlin's sake! What was he, ten?

Harry heard the door bell ring and immediately the portrait of Sirius' mother, which quite conveniently was placed right near the door at the end of the entrance hall, started screeching the usual rubbish. She tended to do this whenever someone woke her up.

"HALF-BLOODS! HALF-BREEDS! BLOOD TRAITORS! CONTAMINATING THE NOBLEST HOUSE OF BLACK! HOW DARE YOU STAIN MY FATHER'S HOUSE WITH SUCH FILTH! MUGGLE LOVERS,"

The portrait suddenly went silent, and Harry assumed that wither Sirius or Remus had managed to pull the old dusty curtains back over the screeching portrait.

"Molly! Welcome! Don't mind my mother, she's a bit of a-." The rest of Sirius' comment was cut off by Remus.

"Sirius! Anyway, welcome Molly, Ron, Fred, George, Ginny. We thought you weren't coming for a few days?" Harry frowned when he heard this and opened the door slightly so that he could hear the conversation better.

"Yes, well Dumbledore showed up at the house this morning and told us that we would need to pack and move here early. We don't quite know why. He is talking to Arthur at the moment but he told me it was important to get the kids here as soon as possible," Mrs. Weasley explained.

Harry opened the door and walked down the stairs to see his best friend.

"Harry!" called Ron as soon as he came into the hall. Ron seemed to have grown a few inches since Harry had last seen him.

"Hello Harry dear," Mrs. Weasley greeted him warmly. "You look a bit peaky," she commented as she looked at him closely. "You're too thin, I am always telling you. Haven't you been eating enough?" Molly shot a dirty look at Sirius and Remus as if it was entirely their fault that Harry was too thin. Sirius and Remus were far from disagreeing with her. Molly frowned slightly when she saw the concerned and sad look on Remus Lupin's face. She hoped there was nothing wrong with Harry. She would have to ask him about it later, she decided.

"Hi Harry! It's great to see you!" exclaimed one of the twins.

"Yes, absolutely marvelous!" The other one cried. Harry thought it might be George.

"It's just such a pleasure to make your acquaintance once again!" The one Harry thought was Fred called. Harry rolled his eyes at the familiar ridiculous greeting. Fred and George loved to make fun of their older brother Percy's pompous and uptight manner. Greeting people like they were part of the muggle royal family seemed their favorite way to do so.

"Fred, George, do stop bothering the poor boy," said Mrs. Weasley. Harry noticed though that the comment lacked the usual sternness. She seemed almost… sad. Harry decided it was best not to mention it though.

"If you'll all come through to the kitchen Kreacher can get us all something to drink. I'll move all the trunks upstairs," Remus told them before levitating Ron's trunk up the stairs and to the bedroom he would share with Harry. Harry followed behind him, heaving Ginny's trunk up the stairs.

"Harry, just leave them downstairs, I can take them. Besides it's quicker when I do it," Remus told Harry.

"Yeah, but I don't feel like talking to anyone right now about how thin and tired I look," Harry replied. Remus frowned at Harry. This wasn't like Harry. Not at all.

"Harry, I know you don't want to talk to anyone about anything, but you do need to talk to Sirius and I. We want to help you. If you don't feel comfortable talking to us, then we can find someone else, but you can't keep hurting yourself Harry. Molly was right, you are awfully thin; you eat barely anything," Remus looked at Harry with sad eyes. His eyes were the only feature on his face that showed his real age. Remus always looked a few years older than he actually was because of the stress of his transformations, but his eyes were bright and sparkly.

"I don't need to talk to anyone," Harry told Remus shortly.

"Fine, you don't have to talk to anyone for now," Remus said sternly. "But you do need to go and get your blade and give it to me."

"Harry groaned. He knew that they would take his blade away, but he didn't know how he would survive without it. How he would maintain a grasp on what little sanity he had left. Harry put Ginny's trunk in the bedroom next to his and Ron's, which was where Ginny and Hermione would sleep, before dragging his feet towards the bathroom to fetch his precious razor blade.

When Harry came back, Remus was waiting on landing at the top of the stairs, having already put all the trunks into the bedrooms. Remus held out his hand as Harry walked past and Harry dejectedly dropped the small piece of metal onto his palm.

"Thank you Harry. I know how hard that was for you," Remus said quietly. Harry just grunted at him and continued down into the kitchen where Sirius and the Weasleys were sitting around the dining table drinking their butterbeers.

"Hey Harry, how's your summer been so far?" asked Ronald Weasley.

"Great!" replied harry trying to fake enthusiasm. "Yeah, I've had loads of fun!"

Everyone seemed to buy the lie; everyone except the small redhead who was sitting in the corner staring at Harry with narrowed eyes. Ginny Weasley knew there was something Harry was not telling them. She could easily tell. It was almost as if a wall had appeared in front of him, not letting anyone get too close. When he was angry or upset this invisible wall kept people away from him. No one wanted to be cursed by the Boy-Who-Lived after all. He managed to warn everyone away with one look. With the exception of Ginny, that is.

Ginny was often the only one who wasn't scared away by Harry's stiff posture and fiery emerald glare. Everyone still gasped in shock and surprise when she approached him when he was in one of his famous moods. They grew even more surprised when he didn't immediately hex her. She seemed to be the only exception to a lot of the rules regarding Harry. Not even Ron or Hermione could calm him down when he was in a temper, or cheer him up when he was sad. Ginny, of course, seemed unaware of her incredible abilities; she just wanted to help her friend.

In the last year, Harry and Ginny had grown slightly closer, what with Hermione and Ron being busy flirting in their highly unique way; most people wouldn't think that fighting like cats and dogs is really a good way to tell a person you like them. Ron and Hermione carried on fighting anyway.

Ginny watched Harry for a little while longer. She watched as he recounted stories from his summer with the same faked enthusiasm. She noted that a lot of his adventures seemed to take place within the confines of Grimmauld Place. It didn't sound like he had gone outside much. She also saw Harry fiddle with the left sleeve of his jacket a few times. She wondered why. She suspected of course; Ginny and Luna had both hurt themselves a few times when they were upset or hurt. Ginny dearly hoped that she was wrong in her suspicions.

 **A/N: Hello! Sorry I know that this was not the best ending, but I couldn't think of a better one. Please leave a review telling me what you thought. The next chapter should be up in a little less than a week. Hope that you enjoyed it! Milo.**


	7. Chapter 7

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters used in this story. Harry Potter belongs to J K Rowling. Also, any of the little quotes in between the +'s are from the internet. The ones that aren't inside the +'s are mine.

 **A/N: Hello! I know it's been ages, but it has been a very long week for me. I promise I am not abandoning this story! Sorry it's been so long. This chapter should be a little longer than the previous ones. I think all of the chapters up to this point have been very short, but from now on they should be longer. I have also been working on my other story, 'Her Life Written in Lyrics.' I hope you enjoy, and please leave a review telling me what you think! From now on I will make sure I personally reply to all reviews. Milo.**

 **Chapter 7:**

 _A week passed, the days all the same;_

 _Faking smiles and saying I'm okay…_

Harry woke in his bed at Grimmauld Place, his throat sore from screaming.

"Harry, are you okay?" Ron asked groggily from the other side of the room.

"Fine. Sorry," Harry answered. He was sure Ron was getting tired of being woken at some ungodly hour every single night. A few minutes later, Ron's snores filled the room and Harry slipped out of his bed, tiptoed over to the door and moved silently out of the room, closing the door behind him. Harry was on his way to the bathroom when someone called his name, making him jump.

"Harry?" the soft voice cut through the silence of the house like a blade through soft, delicate skin. Harry hurriedly reached into the pocket of his pajama pants, before realizing he had left his wand on his bedside table.

"It's just me," the voice said, moving out of the shadows.

"Sirius?" Harry asked. "Why are you awake?" Harry hoped he hadn't heard him screaming.

"I heard you were having a nightmare," Sirius answered, brows furrowed in concern.

 _Damn._

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine!" Harry smiled a little too enthusiastically. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Why don't you come down to the kitchen for a bit, have a cup of tea or something?" It was phrased as a question, but Harry knew that he didn't have a choice. Sirius walked down the stairs, Harry following behind him, silently cursing his stupid overlarge jumper. They were never going to let him have a moment of peace.

 **+HPSBRLHPSBRL+**

"So, how are you?" Sirius asked as he poured two cups of hot chocolate and placed them on the table.

"I'm good," Harry said. The small crack in the mug in front of him had become very interesting all of a sudden.

"Don't give me that crap kid." Sirius looked at his godson's face and saw nothing but pain. Pain that the forced smile could not fully mask. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Harry insisted. He vaguely wondered where the small crack had come from.

"Harry!" Sirius said loudly. He was getting frustrated.

"Yes?" Harry said, looking up at Sirius. "You need to talk about this. We've left you alone because it's clear that you don't want to talk about it. We hoped having your friend's here would help you. If anything it's just making things worse," Sirius leaned toward Harry.

"Harry, you can tell me anything, you know that. I'm not going to be angry or upset; I'm not going to judge you. You need to talk to someone. If you can't talk to either me or Remus, then we need to talk to Dumbledore." Harry's head snapped up so fast Sirius was sure it probably hurt.

"You wouldn't tell him! Please don't tell him!" Harry pleaded, panic evident in his voice. The air around him seemed to disappear and his throat constricted.

"Harry, calm down please," Sirius started to panic. Harry was very pale, and he didn't seem to be breathing. Harry closed his eyes, forcing himself to take deep breaths.

"Please don't tell Dumbledore. He can't know about… this," Harry whispered without opening his eyes.

"Harry, if it doesn't stop, then Remus and I will go to Dumbledore." Harry opened his eyes and was about to say something, but he was cut off by Sirius.

"Don't tell me you've stopped, I know you haven't. I'm not stupid." It was true. Harry hadn't stopped cutting himself after Remus had taken his blade. He had found a muggle razor in the bathroom cupboard and taken it apart, using the tiny thin strips of metal to slice open his wrist.

"Fine, so I haven't stopped! What does it matter to you? I'm not hurting anyone else." Harry was getting quite annoyed with people telling him what to do. Even if some tiny part of his brain knew they were right.

"Harry, it matters to me because you are my godson, and I love you. You're hurting yourself, and it needs to stop. You're hurting me, you're hurting Remus and you're hurting the people who care about you most," Sirius told the teen firmly. He fully expected Harry to start yelling and raging at him; he expected him to scream and wake the entire house up. Harry didn't do any of that.

Harry sighed and put his head in his hands, fighting back tears. He knew Sirius was right; he was hurting anyone stupid enough to give a damn about him. They were hurting and it was his entire fault. Everything was his fault. He felt his eyes burn and his throat tighten, but he refused to cry in front of Sirius. He would not cry in front of anyone.

Before Harry could get too lost in his mind, they heard a scream from upstairs. Sirius jumped up, clearly thinking that something was wrong but Harry recognized that scream.

"Its fine Sirius, let me go see her," Harry said before turning to race up the stairs. Sirius stopped him, grabbing his bicep in a firm grip.

"What happened, is everyone okay?" he asked concerned.

"Everything's fine, Sirius. It's just Ginny." Sirius didn't look reassured.

"Well, what's wrong with Ginny?" he asked, now suspicious. Harry didn't seem to want to give him a straight answer.

"Just let me go see her and I'll explain later," Harry said, dashing up the stairs two at a time as another scream pierced the air. He burst into the room, throwing open the door so violently it slammed against the wall. He kneeled next the bed on the right side of the room and began shaking the small girl who was tossing and turning, all tangled up in the sheets.

"Ginny, wake up. Wake up, it's just a nightmare. It's not real." He continued to shake her until finally she bolted upright into a sitting position.

 **+HPGWHPGWHPGW+**

Ginny looked towards the source of the voice, and saw a figure in the shadows next to her bed. She screamed again, her hand reaching for her wand on the table next to her.

"Ginny, it's just me," said the voice. Ginny calmed instantly. She'd recognize that voice anywhere. If she were in a crowd full of screaming people she was sure she could still pick his voice out.

"Harry," she whispered. Harry moved forward, into the sliver of light created by the open door."Hey," Harry whispered. Ginny wrapped her arms around his neck and cried silently into his shoulder. Harry patted her on the back, whispering meaningless reassurance into her ear. He knew that despite what he told her, it wouldn't be alright. The nightmares weren't going to go away.

Tom (Ginny refused to refer to him as Voldemort) had left his mark on her, and it would never go away. Time wouldn't change it; it was permanent. It would fade, but it would never fully disappear. It may not be visible, but it would always be there, haunting her while she slept, turning the most beautiful dreams into the most terrible nightmares. Tom had hurt a lot of people, but he hadn't hurt many people as much as he had hurt Ginny.

That's why Ginny needed Harry, and Harry needed Ginny. Sure Sirius had lost his best friends and twelve years of his life to Tom. He had been locked up for something he didn't do because of him. Molly had lost her brothers, and many friends to Tom. But neither of them knew what it was like to be personally targeted by Tom. To be possessed, controlled, or have their minds taken over and invaded by the darkest wizard in history. Even Grindelwald didn't hold a candle to what Voldemort had done.

"Sorry Harry," Ginny whispered as she pulled away from Harry, her face turning a deep shade of pink. She hoped he wouldn't notice in the poor light.

"Hey, it's alright. You don't have to apologize," Harry told her. "Do you want to come downstairs for a bit? Sirius and I were having some hot chocolate."

"Sure. It's not like I'll be sleeping any time soon." They sat there for a minute longer, saying nothing.

Neither of them noticed the man standing at the door, watching their exchange with a curious expression on his face. Sirius Black watched as his godson gently wiped the tears off the small redhead's face with his thumb. He turned and walked slowly back down to the kitchen, lost in his memories of another raven haired boy and fiery tempered, red haired girl with sparkling green eyes. He walked into the kitchen and placed a third mug of hot chocolate next to Harry's.

 **+HPGWHPGWHPGW+**

"Let's go," whispered Harry. He took Ginny by the hand and pulled her up. They walked towards the stairs, apparently not noticing that their hands were still clasped between them. Ginny smiled up at Harry. She didn't see the loose floorboard until she tripped on it.

"Ginny!" Harry yelled, taking hold of her waist and only just stopping her from falling head first down the stairs. Ginny grabbed Harry's wrists to steady herself. Harry screamed.

"Harry! What's wrong?" Harry doubled over in agony as Ginny tightened her grip on his wrists in concern. He wrenched his arms out of her grasp, tears threatening to spill over.

 _Merlin that hurt._

"Nothing, I'm fine," Harry growled, trying to recover.

"Harry you're clearly not – IS THAT BLOOD?!" Ginny shrieked in alarm. The sleeve of Harry's gray long sleeve top was indeed soaked with wet blood. Upon hearing Ginny's scream, Sirius thundered up the stairs to where Harry and Ginny were. It was a wonder that they had yet to wake anybody else up.

"Gin, it's nothing, I just tripped the other day and landed on something sharp. Its fine," Harry said quickly, his eyes darting around nervously. Ginny knew he was lying. She had suspected before, but now she was certain.

"Harry show me your arm," she whispered, tears silently making their way down her pale face, their silvery tracks shining in the dull light that filtered through the dusty window.

"Ginny honestly, it's fine, it's nothing," Harry said, now panicking. Ginny couldn't know. What would she think of him? She couldn't find out.

"Harry, don't lie to me," she said, so quiet Harry almost didn't hear her. Again, neither of them noticed Sirius watching the whole scene unfold from the bottom of the staircase.

"Ginny, it's nothing. I swear it." Harry tried to convince her to no avail.

"Harry, show me your wrist," Ginny said in the same quiet yet firm voice. When Harry didn't respond, she reached out slowly and grabbed his wrist gently, trying not to hurt him. Harry didn't protest. He knew it was no use. He closed his eyes and waited.

Ginny slowly lifted up his sleeve; she knew what she was going to find but that didn't make it any less shocking. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes filled with more tears when she saw Harry's exposed arm. It was covered in a mixture of dry and fresh blood. The deep gashes and faded scars formed intricate patterns running along his arm all the way from his wrist to his elbow. There were four fresh cuts near his wrist, which had opened when Ginny grabbed his wrist and blood was now dripping down his wrist and onto the wooden floorboards.

"Oh Harry," Ginny whispered.

"I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore. I wouldn't want to talk to me either," Harry said, opening his emerald eyes and looking into her soft chocolate ones. Ginny let go of his wrist, lowering it carefully so as not to hurt him. She looked down at the floor, gathering up the courage for what she was about to do.

Harry watched as Ginny silently rolled the sleeve of her own shirt up to her elbow. She held her arm in the light so that Harry could see the small white lines that criss-crossed her ivory skin. Harry looked at her in shock.

+ _How does someone so perfect feel so insecure?_ +

+ _As to scar her skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more_ +

"Why Ginny? Why would you do that to yourself?" Harry asked, frowning at the young girl in front of him. He couldn't imagine what could make her feel so sad, so vulnerable.

"I don't really know myself. Sometimes the voices in my head just take over and there's nothing I can do to stop it." Ginny winced as she heard how insane she probably sounded.

"I feel exactly the same way," Harry told her. Ginny pulled her sleeve back down and looked at Harry's soaked shirt.

"We need to get you cleaned up," she whispered. Before Harry had time to argue, she grabbed his good arm and led him into the bathroom to wash the blood off. Little did the two know, their nighttime conversation would form a bond between the two that couldn't be broken.

+ _I think you're crazy too, I know you're gone,_ +

+ _It's probably the reason that we get along…_ +

The two troubled teens still didn't see the man making his was slowly and silently towards the kitchen.

 **+HPGWSBRLHPGWSBRL+**

Sirius stood in shock. He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. What should he do about it? He knew that he should tell someone, but he also knew that it wasn't his business; he shouldn't have been listening to their conversation in the first place. Harry and Ginny would definitely be mad at him if he knew that they had overheard them, and Ginny would be upset if she knew Sirius had seen her deepest darkest secret.

After a few minutes, he was still standing there, thoughts and questions racing through his mind so fast he could barely decipher them. He had to tell Dumbledore. About both Harry and Ginny. Dumbledore would have enough sense not to tell anyone, especially the two teens who were currently in the bathroom cleaning the blood off Harry's arm.

As soon as he made this decision, he realized that he should probably wait to consult with Remus first. No doubt the wise werewolf would be able to help him figure out what to do. He really didn't fancy the idea of betraying Harry's trust when he had only just started to open up to them. He hadn't really opened up much but it was still progress, and Harry was very stubborn; once his trust was broken it was very difficult to get it back.

"Something on your mind?" A voice from behind Sirius made him jump.

"Remus, you scared me," he whispered. "Why are you up?"

"I heard Ginny screaming. I wasn't sure what it was at first, but then I saw Harry go into her room to calm her down."

"Remus I need your help with something. But you have to promise not to tell anyone about this until we have decided what to do. Not even Harry. Not even Arthur or Molly or Dumbledore," Sirius whispered, his voice sharp and urgent.

"Of course." Remus was immediately intrigued. There wasn't much that could make his prankster best friend this serious.

"I accidently overheard a conversation between Harry and Ginny before," Sirius started. He stopped at the stern look on Remus' face.

"Accidently?" He asked, his voice a flat monotone.

"Well, perhaps not accidently, but that's really not the point. Anyway, Ginny accidently tripped and she grabbed Harry's wrist and it started bleeding. Like really badly."

Remus gasped at this. Apparently he was under the impression that taking away Harry's blade had stopped him from cutting himself.

"Remus did you really believe that he had stopped?" asked Sirius, annoyed at the interruption and eager to get on with recounting the events of the last half-hour.

"No, I suppose not. I've tried talking to him about a million times since we found out, but he always makes sure there's someone with him. Even when I manage to get him on his own he doesn't say much," Remus told him. Sirius winced. He wondered if either of them truly had any idea how much pain harry was really in.

Sometimes when Harry thought no one was watching his face would change from his fake happy mask to a haunting expression of pain and grief and guilt. It was as if his whole world was crashing down around him and he had given up on picking up the pieces. He had given up trying to put himself back together again just to be smashed apart again right afterwards.

"Well anyway, Ginny told Harry to show her his wrist. I think she already knew, or suspected at least. Harry protested for a bit trying to tell her it was nothing but eventually he gave up. He said he understood if she didn't want to talk to him anymore," Sirius said, the words spilling out of his mouth so fast Remus could barely keep up.

"So-," Remus was cut off by Sirius' glare.

"Then Ginny rolled up her own sleeve and there were heaps of scars, not as deep as Harry's but still quite deep." When Sirius had finished he collapsed into one of the dining chairs and buried his head in his hands.

Remus closed his eyes and ran a hand tiredly over his face. He had suspected that Ginny was troubled when he had taught her in her second year. He of course knew about her ordeal in the Chamber, and tried to get her to talk to him. Frankly, he wasn't really that surprised by this new revelation. Sirius looked up at Remus looking older and more tired than he ever had before.

Harry cutting himself was bad enough, but both Harry and Ginny? How were they going to deal with this? Would Ginny be able to help Harry considering she was just as upset as him?

"What do we do Remus?" asked Sirius. "I mean… what if they both…" Sirius winced unable to think about what could happen if they didn't do something.

"We tell Dumbledore," Remus replied.

 **A/N: Hello! I know I said it before, but I'm sorry that it's been so long! This chapter is longer than usual, so I hope that makes up for it! I hope you enjoyed it and the next chapter should be up soon. I have already started working on it! Milo.**


	8. Chapter 8

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters used in this story. Harry Potter owns to J K Rowling.

 **A/N; Hello! I am so sorry it has been way too long! This should have been up over a week ago, but I have been quite busy with school and a number of other things I have been working on. I would go on but it's mostly just silly excuses. Anyway, here is the next chapter. Hope you enjoy! Milo.**

 **Chapter 8**

Shrill, high pitched screams pierced the still air in Grimmauld Place, waking several people from their peaceful oblivion. This, unfortunately, had become a rather common occurrence at number 12. Harry heaved himself out of his bed, and hurried across the hall to Ginny Weasley's bedroom. This also had become quite ordinary. Ronald opened his eyes at the sound of heavy, tired feet thumping against the wooden floors before rolling over and putting a pillow over his head to block out the wailing and sobbing now coming from his sister's bedroom. It wasn't as effective as he had hoped.

It wasn't that he didn't care; Ginny was his sister, of course he cared. But Harry seemed to be the only person who could get through to her when she was upset. No one else dared approach her for fear of experiencing firsthand the incredible strength of her infamous Bat-bogey hex. The three Weasley brother's present at Grimmauld Place had thought Harry was mad when he tried to talk to her one morning when she had been in a particularly foul mood. To their extreme surprise, she didn't try to hex him, or yell at him; she actually accepted his help getting her breakfast and sat down next to him at the table. Even Molly and Arthur had marveled at the boy's skill.

Sirius and Remus had been noticeably subdued for the past few days. Harry had asked them about why one morning to no avail. He was getting quite concerned. He grew even more so when he saw the heavy, weighted glance they exchanged as he left Ginny's room after sitting and talking to her about her nightmare. He waited until she was asleep once again before retiring back to his room.

As much as Harry tried, he just could not get back to sleep. His mind didn't seem to want to give him the pleasure of sleep that night. Frustrated, Harry leapt out of his bed and stomped angrily towards the bathroom. _'Stupid brain,'_ he thought to himself. He quite looked like a stubborn five year old, stomping around the house with an annoyed scowl on his face. He was acting quite like a stubborn five year old too, but Harry didn't much care at that moment.

He slammed the bathroom door behind him, wincing as he had underestimated the amount of noise this action would create. He really hoped Sirius and Remus didn't come storming in. he really did not need to deal with their 'worried guardian' crap right at this minute.

He knew that they knew he was still cutting, and their apparent lack of concern was making him more than a little suspicious. He had been confronted by the two Marauders several times and forced to show his arms. They grew more and more panicked each time they saw his battered arm. But a few days ago, after his talk with Ginny, they had stopped talking to him about it. That had been almost a week ago. Little did he know, the two in question were sitting in the kitchen discussing him at that very moment.

 **+HPGWHPGWHPGWHPGW+**

"Should we floo Dumbledore? We've put it off now for almost a week." Sirius sat at the table looking dejected, his head resting in his tired hands.

"We need to talk to Arthur and Molly first," Remus said firmly. "They have a right to know about this before we take it to Dumbledore." Sirius had to admit, he did raise a fairly good point. But did they really want to tell Molly? Sirius didn't want to imagine the amount of fuss the old Weasley matriarch would make if she were to be made aware of the scars on her daughter's arms. But Remus was right, and he knew it. He sighed in defeat.

"Let's go see if they're awake. I don't want to put this off anymore," Sirius steeled himself in anticipation of what was sure to be a very long, tedious and emotional conversation.

When Sirius reached the top floor where Molly and Arthur were staying, he knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

"Come in!" we heard someone call. Sirius entered the room to find Molly and Arthur sitting at the desk in the corner talking in hushed voices. They immediately broke off their conversation when Sirius and Remus walked into the room.

"Hello dears, what can I do for you at this hour? It's quite late, we were just about to head to bed," Molly said to the two Marauders.

"Molly, we need to talk to you about something that we discovered last night," Sirius said, getting straight to the point. Molly and Arthur didn't hear the warning Remus hissed in his ear, telling him to be nice. Sirius tended to be a little blunt when it came to things like this. Remus knew from experience.

"Well the thing is, Ginny is-," Remus cut him off before he could finish that particular sentence.

"We found out something about Ginny that we thought you ought to know about." Remus glared at Sirius. Remus thought that Sirius had the emotional range of a teaspoon, something he had often heard Hermione yell at Ron during one of their many yelling matches. It was quite accurate for both of them, he decided. They could start a club.

"Well Remus?" Arthur was looking very concerned at Remus' silence.

"Oh, sorry… erm," Remus shook his head to clear it. "We think that Ginny may have… we think she might… we think she's-," This time it was Sirius who cut Remus off.

"We think that Ginny may be self-harming… no we know that she is and we know that Harry is as well," Sirius stated. His voice betrayed little emotion, but the small spark in his eyes gave him away. Molly was a mother, a wizarding mother whose children had dealt with more hardship that many others put together. She recognized that spark that shone behind his cold indifferent Black mask. She recognized it in Ginny's eyes too.

Molly raised her hands to her mouth and closed her eyes. Arthur slowly put an arm around his wife, as much to steady himself as it was to comfort her. He couldn't believe it; his baby girl.

Sirius and Remus were Harry's father figures, mainly Sirius. They were worried sick about Harry. But it was different for Arthur. He was Ginny's real father; he had raised her since the day she was born. He had healed scrapes and wiped away tears after childish nightmares in the middle of the night. Then after Ginny's first year he had wiped away tears from dark and horrifying nightmares no child should ever witness, let alone experience in real life. He had been there for her every step of the way, watched her grow into a beautiful young woman. She was his baby girl, his only daughter in a houseful of sons. Words could not possibly describe how much he loved her, and how much this announcement hurt him. He didn't even want to imagine how Molly was feeling.

Molly had been there throughout Ginny's entire life, day in, day out while Arthur worked and the boys excluded her because she was a little girl. Ginny was her only daughter; sometimes the only thing that kept her sane in her crazy house of men. Ginny had always been close to molly. Molly was Ginny's best friend. She talked to her about everything; petty fights with friends, boys, classes and anything else you could possibly think of. The only time she had ever hidden something from her was in her first year, the whole diary ordeal. That had tortured Molly. This was worse.

Her baby, her child, was hurting herself. Deliberately taking a blade to her arm, drawing her own blood, intentionally causing herself terrible pain. And Harry… well she considered Harry another one of her sons. She couldn't believe that he was doing this to himself. He was such a strong little boy – no young man. He was no longer a small, scrawny, neglected eleven year old who knew nothing about the world he lived in. And this perhaps is what had destroyed him.

The fact that he now had to deal with these things on his own, by himself. Things that grown adults should never have to deal with; he had, to use the common cliché, the weight of the world on his shoulders.

They sat in silence for another few minutes. Sirius, of course, was the one to break the silence. Not because he was insensitive to the situation, but because he did not like silence. There had been too much silence in the 'Most Noble House of Black,' and he strived to make everything as noisy and fun as possible. Although, in his situation, fun might not really be the best word to use.

"We need to tell Dumbledore about Harry. It's getting out of control, he told us he had stopped but we know he hasn't. He's still suffering nightmares almost every night, often several times a night. He needs help. We've tried, but there is nothing we can do that will help him," Sirius spoke in a very businesslike and detached voice. He was good at masking emotions. One of the many traits that almost had him places in the dirty house of snakes, as Sirius thought of it.

Molly and Arthur did not move after this announcement.

"We think we should tell him about Ginny, with your help of course. You can talk to her first if you wish, but we think the two could help each other. They were already becoming quite close before this happened. And, quite frankly, we are getting desperate. We don't know what to do. If you have any suggestions please tell us, because we've run out of ideas," Remus spoke in a similar manner to Sirius. Arthur looked at Molly, who was now shaking with suppressed sobs, her head tilted down.

"We'll talk to Ginny in the morning," Arthur promised. "We'll come with you to Dumbledore after we've spoken with her." Sirius and Remus nodded before silently leaving the room.

"Well that was uncomfortable," Sirius mumbled to Remus as they walked down the stairs. Remus cuffed his stupid friend upside the head and stormed back to his room, leaving Sirius wondering what on earth he'd done this time. _Insensitive prat,_ Remus thought as he slammed his door.

 **+HPSBRLHPSBRL+**

"Harry, you need to stop this. You can't keep doing this to yourself," Ginny whispered as she forced an uncooperative Harry to hold his injured arm under the steady stream of water coming from the silver tap.

Harry was mentally cursing himself. He had been caught, again, by Ginny. Her mother had asked her to collect laundry and she had seen the blood on his shirt. Harry knew that he should just be thankful it was Ginny collecting the laundry and not anyone else. He shuddered at the thought of what could have happened if Remus or Mrs. Weasley had happened to pick up his shirt. He knew that Sirius was aware that he was still hurting himself, but he didn't think Remus knew.

"Harry, are you listening to me?" Ginny's irritated voice woke Harry from his thoughts. To be honest he hadn't even realized that she was still speaking. Odd.

"Harry, you have to stop this. I want you to give me your blade! Now!" Ginny had fire in her eyes as she turned on Harry, looking at him with firm expectation. Harry just looked at her incredulously. She didn't really mean that… did she? She couldn't possibly be serious. This was his one escape. He couldn't survive without cutting. How would he get through the day without having a complete mental breakdown? Harry wasn't sure, but if was sure about anything it was that there was no way he could stop cutting.

Ginny raised an eyebrow at Harry's lack of action. He was still standing there, a ridiculous shocked expression on his handsome face. Ginny had to stop herself from laughing as she looked at him. If it weren't for the dark reason behind that look, she might find it quite amusing.

Harry seemed to realize as he looked into Ginny's eyes that there was no way he could possibly win against the firecracker standing in front of him when he wasn't allowed to defend himself with his wand. He wasn't sure he could beat her even with his wand if he was being perfectly honest with himself. His expression turned to one of fierce determination, a look that almost rivaled Ginny's current look. Almost.

"Fine," he told her, "but only if you give me your blade. We'll get rid of them together." Now it was Ginny's turn to look shocked. No one knew she still cut. She had never stopped. She had just found more discreet places scar; her thighs, hips, waist and ribcage had been assaulted by her sharp metal knife once she decided that her wrist was too obvious, and it was a pain to wear long sleeves in the summer when she couldn't cover it with a concealment charm.

"Oh don't look at me like that, what do think I am stupid?" Harry asked her raising an eyebrow. "I know you never stopped, I can see it when I look at you. I know you have your blade and you still use it to hurt yourself."

Ginny looked suddenly angry. "Of course I don't, here look!" Ginny pulled up her sleeve so forcefully Harry was surprised she didn't rip the long sleeve purple tank top that she wore to bed. Harry looked down at her wrist and then back up at her face, eyebrow still raise and a condescending smirk on his face.

"Ginny your wrist isn't the only place that you could cut. Do you know how I know you still cut?"

"How?" Ginny asked, desperately wanting to know how he had seen through her perfectly crafted façade.

"There's blood on your pants, right above your thigh," Harry replied, looking down at her long flannel pants. Ginny looked down and cursed. Harry's smirk grew at the sight of the young flustered red head muttering a string of curse words that would shock even his Uncle Vernon.

Ginny looked back up at Harry, her expression annoyed. "Fine. I'll give up my blade, you give up yours, deal?"

"Deal," Harry replied, sounding very nervous. Ginny's hard gaze softened as she saw his face. "Don't be scared. I'll help you through this. We'll help each other through this," She whispered to him. Harry smiled and nodded.

"Always," he whispered back. And he meant it.

 **A/N: Hello! I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, I know that it is a bit boring. Sorry it hasn't been updated for so long, I had this chapter finished but the internet has been playing up so I couldn't post it. Currently working on the next chapter! Enjoy! Milo.**


	9. Chapter 9

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** Harry Potter and its characters belong to J K Rowling.

 **A/N: Hello! I am so sorry this chapter is late! We have just finished all our assignments for the term though, so I should be able to post more frequently. Hope that you enjoy it. Milo.**

 **Chapter 9:**

"AGHHH!"

Sirius screamed as he stumbled forward out of the fireplace and landed face first on hard wooden floor. Remus followed closely behind him and simply raised an eyebrow at the sight of his best friend lying on the floor. He stepped over him and stood in front of the huge mahogany desk in the centre of the room.

Albus Dumbledore watched this scene unfold, his eyes twinkling and smiling slightly. Sirius Black really will never grow up, he thought to himself.

"To what do I owe this very late pleasure?" Dumbledore asked Remus, glancing at the clock on the wall beside him; it read 11:45pm. Remus looked up at his ex-headmaster and opened his mouth before closing it again. He really didn't know where to start.

"Why don't you both take a seat?" Dumbledore asked politely before looking sternly at Sirius who still had not moved from him ridiculous position on the floor in front of the fireplace. Sirius groaned and stood up, dragging his feet and collapsing into in to the chair beside Remus. Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius' theatrics before turning back to Dumbledore.

"Sirius is something the matter?" asked Dumbledore with a slightly amused expression on his face.

"No. I'm tired," Sirius grumbled. Dumbledore almost laughed. There were only two people who had ever dared talk to him like that. Sirius and James Potter were just lucky that Dumbledore had always had a soft spot for them; otherwise they would probably have been in a lot of trouble when they were younger. More than they already were, anyway.

"Yes Professor, we're here to talk about Harry and Ginevra," Remus said politely, glaring at Sirius as if to tell him that that was how you should speak to your old headmaster. Sirius ignored him.

"Harry and Ginevra?" Dumbledore asked, slightly surprised and more than a little curious.

"Yes. They're crazy and we want to help them," Sirius told him in a flat monotone. He really did not want to be here. He knew that Harry would be mad at him, and he was scared that he would hate him. He knew that it was his idea in the first place, and that he needed to do it, but was it really worth it if Harry ended up hating him? Wasn't there another way that they could help Harry, preferably without hurting him even more?

But then Sirius thought about Harry's arm, the scars and scabs that littered the pale skin, and the bloodstain on his shirt the night Ginny had grabbed his wrist and he knew that he didn't have another option. Harry was too far gone for them to be able to help him on their own. Sirius winced slightly as he thought about what could happen if Harry kept going the way he was.

"Sirius! What the hell is wrong with you tonight?" Remus punched the idiot in question on the arm and turned back to Dumbledore who was now listening intently.

"We found some things out about Harry and Ginny… we think you might like to know about it," Remus started hesitantly. He was interrupted by Dumbledore.

"Have you spoken to Molly and Arthur?" Dumbledore asked, surveying the two over his half-moon spectacles.

"Yes, we have. They were going to come with us, but there was no one else available to look after the kids," Sirius told him, his voice now more alert and serious. Dumbledore merely nodded, urging them to keep speaking.

"Well, I kind of accidently overheard a conversation between Harry and Ginny the other night," Sirius started. Dumbledore interrupted once again.

"Accidently?" he asked, X-raying Sirius with his piercing gaze. Remus couldn't stop himself from laughing, but he hurriedly turned it into a cough when Dumbledore looked at him. Sirius just rolled his eyes and made a 'humph' noise; he sounded rather like an annoyed child.

"Yes, well, moving on!" Sirius shouted dramatically. Dumbledore had to refrain from rolling his eyes. Honestly he had thought that he had finished having to put up with the Marauders nonsense when they left school, but apparently not.

"Well, we kind of found out something about Harry about a week and a bit before this conversation," Remus took over, deciding that they would never get their story told if he let Sirius tell it. "See Harry's been… well he hasn't been himself lately. Ever since he came to Grimmauld Place he's been a little – subdued, kind of sad."

"Understandable," Dumbledore nodded.

"We tried to speak to him about it, but he wouldn't talk to us. We found out he was having bad nightmares most nights, often multiple times a night." Dumbledore suddenly looked quite concerned. If he knew Harry Potter, and he thought he knew the boy quite well, then he would be blaming himself for Cedric's death. He tried not to let it show though, for as immature as Sirius could be, if there was one thing that could make him act like a grownup it was his godson. And considering this is Sirius he was thinking about, that really was saying something.

"Well, we pulled him aside one day to try to speak to him, and I saw he was fiddling with his sleeve. I think I had suspected something was wrong for a while, but I convinced myself it was nothing. That he would never do anything that stupid."

Dumbledore's eyes hardened considerably. He thought he knew where this conversation was going, he just desperately wished that the two would come up with a different explanation and prove him wrong.

"I saw something on Harry's jacket while we were talking to him; he was playing with the sleeve and it came up a bit because it was too big. I pulled his sleeve up to get a closer look."

Dumbledore closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands, looking more like an old man than usual. In fact, in that moment Remus thought that he looked older than anyone had ever seen him look. Remus didn't need to finish his sentence for Dumbledore to figure out what the two had seen on Harry's arm, but he did anyway.

"There were scars and cuts all up his wrist, Albus. They were deep. I took his blade and tried to get him to stop but he just wouldn't listen, and I don't know what else to do," Remus whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

"I am assuming you have not told Harry that you are here?" Dumbledore asked tiredly. If Sirius had asked Harry's permission, Harry would have begged him not to come and talk to him. Albus had seen Sirius look after Harry when he was a baby, and he had seen him look after him now that he was older. All Harry had to do was look at him with those eyes; exact replicas of his mother's and Sirius would give him whatever it was that he wanted. Sirius turned to absolute mush when it came to Harry, though he would never admit it to anyone. James used to tease him about it all the time.

Sirius and Remus looked at each other guiltily. They knew that they should have asked Harry's permission, or at least told him beforehand.

"So where exactly does Miss Weasley fit into all of this?" Dumbledore asked them both when neither of them answered.

"Well, as I said before I overheard a conversation between the two of them the other night. She fell and grabbed Harry's wrist and it started bleeding," Sirius started. Dumbledore closed his eyes, a look of pain and grief on his face. He did truly care about Harry.

"Ginny asked Harry to show her his wrist, and after a while he realized he wasn't going to be able to convince her it was nothing so he showed her. I think she suspected what was happening. Anyway Harry told her that he understood if she never wanted to speak to him again."

At this Dumbledore couldn't help but sigh. When was Harry going to learn that he had so many good friends here in the wizarding world that would be there for him no matter what? His blood boiled at the thought of the muggles that had raised him, how they had taught him that he was worthless and that no one could ever possibly care for him.

Dumbledore of course didn't know exactly how bad the abuse was that Harry suffered, for if he did he would surely speak to the muggles himself. He did not know that Harry was beaten within an inch of his life on a regular basis, that he was constantly starved and locked in a tiny cupboard for days on end, that he was used as a punch bag by his cousin and that his aunt would hit him with frying pans or wooden spoons or whatever other kitchen utensil happened to be available at the time whenever he did something wrong. No one knew that, and Harry was determined to keep it that way.

"Well anyway," Sirius said when Dumbledore didn't say anything, "Ginny rolled up her own sleeve and her arm was covered in almost as many scars as Harry's is. They're not as deep, but they are still bad. Molly and Arthur talked to her yesterday but that didn't go very well. I heard the screaming from the other side of the house. I also heard her blow up every bit of glass or breakable stuff in about a twenty meter radius," Sirius said. "I must remember to thank her for that later." Sirius said thoughtfully. He really hated that house.

The three of them sat in silence for a while before Dumbledore spoke.

"Thank you both for telling me this. I will address the issue as I see fit and will inform you both, as well as Molly and Arthur, of my decision straight away."

Sirius and Remus took this as their cue to leave. They made their way back towards the fireplace, threw the powder in the flames and shouted the right address before swirling away from the office.

Dumbledore sat in silence a little while longer. He wasn't quite sure what to do. Usually when a student was self-harming or suicidal they went straight to St. Mungos, but that surely wouldn't work in this situation. It would be terrible for Harry's emotional state if it got into the press that he was mentally unwell, and he didn't think that Ginevra would be too pleased either. No he would have to think of a different way to handle these two particular students. After all, what with being The-Boy-Who-Lived and The-Eleven-Year-Old-Girl-Who-Fought-Off-Voldemort, they were not normal children, and they were certainly not inconspicuous in the magical community.

No, he would find another solution. But this had to stop. He couldn't believe two amazing young teenagers could feel so sad that they would do this to themselves. It really was quite upsetting.

 **+APWBDAPWBDAPWBD+**

"Where have you guys been?" Harry asked as both Sirius and Remus stumbled out of the fireplace, the latter considerably more graceful than the former.

"Oh, just talking to Dumbledore," Sirius remarked in what he hoped to be an offhand tone. Harry raised an eyebrow, instantly suspicious. Sirius supposed he must not have done a very good job at the whole offhand thing.

"Oh? What about?" Harry asked. Sirius wasn't really helping as he shot a clearly panicked glance towards Remus who had to once again refrain from rolling his eyes. Sirius could be about as thick as a brick wall some days.

"Just security arrangements for next year, for your safety," Remus replied. Harry was instantly annoyed. Remus knew it would annoy him, but it would also stop him from being suspicious.

"I don't need security," Harry growled stomping his way up the stairs. Remus heard him mumble to himself, something about being normal, stupid Death Eaters, and stupid Tom. Remus found that funny; Harry always called him Voldemort and to his knowledge had never referred to the psychopath as Tom before. Remus just shook his head, before moving towards the drawing room where he was sure Sirius was brooding. Sirius didn't brood often, usually referring to prank someone, but if anything could make him brood it was the possibility that he had made Harry angry.

 **+HPGWHPGWHPGWHPGW+**

"Come in!" Harry called when he heard a knock at the door. He frowned; who would want to talk to him this late at night? He consulted the digital clock on his nightstand which read 12.57am. Unless it was Sirius or Remus. He looked towards the door as it opened, and a small face framed by glowing red hair appeared.

"Hey," he whispered quietly, an unconscious smile lighting up his usually miserable face.

"Hey," she whispered back, creeping silently into the room and closing the door behind her.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, his voice filled with concern as he took in the tear tracks on her beautiful face. _Beautiful?_ He thought to himself. _Where did that come from?_

Harry shook his head a little to clear it after realizing that he had been staring at her for a little too long. He hurriedly averted his gaze.

"Nightmare," she said, her voice only a little lower than normal volume now that the door was shut. She walked towards the bed and sat next to Harry, leaning her head against his shoulder, her eyes closed. She relished in the feeling of being so close to Harry. She silently reprimanded herself. They would never be more than friends. She was just Ron's baby sister after all, the poor little girl who had nightmares and cut herself for relief.

Harry wrapped his arm around her waist, drawing her closer to him. They had grown quite close ever since that whispered conversation on the landing so many nights ago. Ginny always went to Harry for comfort now; he was there for her when her parents found out, when she had nightmares, when her brothers were mean to her, and would clean her up when things got too much and she would once again seek relief in the cool sharp metal blade.

Ginny did the same for Harry. They would both crawl into each other's beds if they had a nightmare, seeking comfort from the other. She cleaned up his blood and helped him cope with everything, with being the Boy-Who-Lived.

The funny thing was, the two didn't even realize how much closer they had gotten. It was as if it had always been that way, as it that was how it was meant to be. Ginny didn't know how to describe it; it was just right. She had never had a friend like Harry, one who could empathize instead of sympathize. Harry had quickly become her best friend, her confidant, her brother almost. Except the feeling she held for him were far from brotherly.

Harry held the small witch close, drawing comfort and peace from her embrace. He didn't know what he would do without this, without her. He could tell her things that he would never tell anyone else, not Ron, not Hermione, not even Sirius. She already knew him better than anyone else and it had only been a week and a bit since that whispered conversation that seemed so much longer ago.

The two held each other. Nothing more needed to be said as the two drifted back into a peaceful sleep.

 **A/N: Hi! Sorry, I know that one was a bit boring. The next one should be a bit more exciting though I hope. I hope that you enjoyed this one, sorry again that it is so late. The next one should be up shortly. Please leave a review telling me what you thought! I love hearing from people. Milo.**


	10. Chapter 10

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** If I owned Harry Potter, Fred Weasley would still be alive.

 **A/N: Hello! I know that it has been a while, but I promise I have not given up on this story! I know that the last chapter was a little boring, it wasn't the most interesting one to write, but I am hoping that the next few chapters will be exciting. I hope that you enjoy it, and if you have time please leave a review telling me what you thought. Milo.**

 **Chapter 10:**

When Harry woke, he was confused. His vision seemed to be obscured by a soft could of bright red. Then he remembered.

"Ginny!" Harry whispered frantically as he looked at the clock. 7:33am. It was a wonder no one had come looking for them yet.

"Ginny! Wake up!" Ginny woke with a start, looking around at her surroundings, confused at the dark blue wallpaper that had been a cream color only last night. It was then she noticed she was lying next to Harry.

"I need to get back to my room!" she almost yelled. Harry only nodded at her.

"I mean, we know nothing happened..." Harry said, his voice trailing off.

"But if my brothers or parents walked in they might get the wrong idea," Ginny finished for him, quickly grabbing her bathrobe from the floor and wrapping it around her small frame. Although she was wearing her long-sleeve flannel pajamas, she still felt exposed in front of Harry. Maybe it was the fact that she had woken up in his bed.

"Right," Harry agreed quickly. They sat there, looking at each other for a few moments, drowning in the awkwardness of the situation.

"Thank you. For last night," Ginny whispered softly as she made her way towards the door.

"Anytime Ginny. You know you can always come to me, don't you?" Harry asked, smiling softly at the young witch.

"I know. Same goes for you too," she told him before shutting the door behind her silently. She crept back to the room she was sharing with Hermione, thankfully not meeting anyone on the way down. She quickly looked left and right, feeling very much like one of those lame spies in some of the muggle movies her father had taken her to, and silently tiptoed into the room, shutting the door behind her. Because she was still facing the door, she didn't see Hermione sitting on her bed, staring at her with one eyebrow raised in a silent question.

Ginny jumped when she turned and saw the older witch observing her carefully.

"Hermione! I didn't see you there!" Ginny squeaked.

"Where did you go?" asked Hermione.

"Just down to the kitchen to get some breakfast," Ginny lied smoothly. She silently thanked the twins for teaching her to be such a great liar. Only problem was, she was trying to lie to the brightest witch of her age.

"In your bathrobe?" asked Hermione, both eyebrows beginning to travel higher on her face.

"Er… yes?" Ginny's statement came out sounding more like a question.

"Ginny, where were you last night?" Hermione asked again. "You left at like midnight or something. Did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

 _Shit,_ thought Ginny.

"I just went upstairs to the library. I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to bother anybody," Ginny said, trying to stop her voice from wobbling.Ever since Hermione had arrived the day before, she had been watching both Ginny and Harry like a hawk. It was driving them both nuts and it had not even been two days.

"Hermione, please stop. Harry and I are perfectly fine," Ginny said exasperated. "You've been watching us like we're both about to explode all day!"

"That's because Ron told me you've both been waking the house up with your screaming every night," said Hermione. "I just want to make sure that you're both okay. I love you both like you're my own brother and sister. I care about you both so much." Hermione's eyes were now full of unshed tears and she looked pleadingly up at her best girl friend.

"I know Hermione. We both love you like a sister; I know that Harry especially thinks of you and Ron as the family he never got to have," Ginny said softly. "But the last thing he needs at the moment is someone watching him and fussing over him. You know what he's like, he won't admit he's not alright no matter how much you pester him." Hermione smiled at the young girl.

"When did you become so wise?" she asked. Ginny just winked playfully at her before grabbing a long sleeved, tight purple tank top and a pair of black high-waisted shorts that her mother definitely wasn't aware that she had. She made her way slowly towards the bathroom, thinking about a certain green eyed, handsome boy with jet black hair.

 **+HPGWHPGWHPGW+**

The bathroom was silent, except for the sound of blood dripping down onto the white tiles. Harry watched with fascination. No matter how many times he did this to himself, he would never get used to it. The ease with which the blade penetrated his delicate arm, the brilliant contrast between the deep red of the blood and the pale white of his skin, the sick, unnatural absence of any pain and the twisted sense of relief and joy that all of these things brought. Harry added a fourth fresh cut to his damaged arm.

He deserved this. He knew that. That's why he did it. He deserved to watch his precious liquid life drain slowly out of him, deserved to feel that stinging pain that he felt when he finally cut deep enough, deserved to see the gashes getting deeper and deeper every time and to watch helplessly as he destroyed himself in front of his very eyes, unable to stop himself from doing so. Harry dragged the blade across his wrist for the fifth time that morning.

It was funny, Harry thought, that something most sane people would consider quite painful was the one thing that made his pain go away. Or maybe it wasn't so funny. He wasn't just another sane person, after all. He knew he was crazy. Entirely mad. Utterly bonkers. Completely nuts. He wore the physical proof on his arms. He added a sixth cut.

This time, when he cut himself he felt the blade slice through his arm. He finally felt the pain. He relished the magnificent stinging that assaulted his nerves, burning his arm like fire. He laughed softly at the feeling. Maybe he'd finally cracked. He continued to giggle. He looked down at his arm and realized that the blood was rushing out of his arm a little too fast. He grinned widely before he bent over, his thin frame struggling to hold him up due to both the substantial blood loss and the hysterical, manic laughter now erupting from his mouth. He didn't know why exactly he was laughing, only that he found something about his current situation very funny.

He was the Boy-Who-Lived for crying out loud! The boy who was supposedly stronger than most adults, the boy who had come face to face with the darkest wizard in magical history and beat him four times before the age of fifteen! This made him laugh louder. He didn't notice the banging on the other side of the door. Didn't hear the panicked cries of a certain red-head. He didn't hear the sharp intake of breath as the door flew open. He looked down at the dark pool of red on the floor. _Funny,_ he thought. _How did that get there?_ Soon after, his mind gave in to the darkness, and it engulfed him completely, pulling him under and putting him to sleep. His breathing became even as the laughing stopped, and his pale eyelids fluttered before closing over the haunted emerald orbs.

 **+HPGWSBRLHPGWSBRL+**

"Sirius! SIRIUS!" Ginny Weasley ran full pelt down the stairs of Grimmauld place, colliding with the kitchen door in her haste to reach someone, anyone.

"Remus! Sirius! HELP!" she cried, bursting through the kitchen door. Everyone looked up from their breakfast, startled by her sudden appearance. Ginny blushed as she realized what she must look like, running into the kitchen screaming and wearing only her nightdress at eight o'clock in the morning. But that didn't matter now. All that mattered was the alarmingly large pool of blood on the bathroom floor, and the unconscious teen lying next to it.

"What? What's wrong?" Sirius asked frantically, drawing his wand from his pocket.

"It's Harry! He's – he's…" Ginny began to cry, raising her hands to cover her mouth.

"Where is he?" asked Sirius, his face paling as he noticed the blood on Ginny's hands.

"B-b-bathroom," was all Ginny managed before falling to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. Sirius and Remus immediately ran up the stairs, wands in hands and breakfast forgotten. Ron and Hermione stood up, panic clear on their faces.

"NO!" Ginny yelled as they moved to follow Remus and Sirius. "You – you can't. You can't see him. He fell over, he's injured. Stay here."

Hermione looked like she might have argued, but something in Ginny's distraught face and pained screams made her stop. Ron, however, was not so tactful.

"He's our best mate! If he's injured then we want to go and see him!" He yelled at his sister. This only made Ginny cry harder. Ron looked at her alarmed. He couldn't deal with crying girls, even if it was his little sister.

"Ronald, you will stay down here. Whatever is wrong with Harry I am sure that Remus and Sirius will be able to sort it out perfectly well by themselves. You can see him once Sirius and Remus say that he is okay," Molly told the two teens, her voice eerily calm. Hermione frowned at the Weasley matriarch; she thought she would be more upset and worried that Harry was injured. She didn't even know what was wrong with him, and Ginny's hands looked like they were covered in blood.

"Come on love, let's get you cleaned up," Mrs. Weasley spoke softly to her daughter, grabbing her gently but firmly by the arm and leading her towards the tiny washroom a few doors down from the kitchen. She didn't want to take Ginny to the main bathroom in case Remus and Sirius hadn't cleared up the blood yet.

"Come on Hermione, Mum's gone, let's go see Harry," Ron whispered as soon as he was sure his mother was out of earshot.

"No Ron, you heard what she said," Hermione fretted, "we shouldn't go up there. I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Did you see Ginny's hands?! They were covered in blood Hermione!" Ron's voice was steadily getting louder and Hermione glanced nervously towards the door.

"Come on, you can't tell me you don't want to know if he's okay. He's our best friend! Don't you think if he was injured he would want us there?" Ron asked her. Hermione looked at him for a little while, clearly torn between doing what she had been told and checking on her best friend.

"Oh alright," Hermione acquiesced, quickly following Ron up the rickety old stairs.

 **+HPSBRLHPSBRLHPSBRL+**

"Harry!" Sirius yelled as he entered the bathroom on the first floor. There was blood everywhere; all over the tiled floor, in the sink and all over Harry's arm. Harry's jumper and jeans had bright red stains on them which were steadily growing in size as blood continued to stream from the gashes on his forearm.

Remus immediately crouched down next to Harry, seemingly unaffected by the amount of blood, and began to mutter under his breath. Bright white lights shot out of his wand and hit Harry's arm, stopping the bleeding. Both of them relaxed a little once it was clear that harry wasn't bleeding anymore, but both also knew that he was not out of danger yet. He had lost way too much blood.

"Sirius, I need you to floo Madame Pomfrey and ask for a blood replenishing potion, now!' Remus called over his shoulder as he lifted Harry into his arms easily and carried him towards his bedroom.

Remus set Harry down on the bed and immediately started healing his cuts with magic. It was lucky he had so much experience with healing spells what with being a werewolf. After a few minutes, the cuts faded to scars, just a little deeper than the others that covered Harry's skin. Remus quickly performed a complicated spell on Harry that would help his blood start to replenish. It wouldn't be enough, but it should stop him from suffering any serious damage until Sirius came back with the potion.

Just then, Sirius raced back into the room holding a dark red potion that smelled of salt and metal. Remus hurriedly grabbed it from him without a word and forced it down the unconscious teen's throat. Straight away, Harry's breathing evened.

"There," said Remus, sighing with relief. "He's going to be fine."

"No he's not Moony," said Sirius, collapsing into the hard wooden desk chair on the other side of the room. "He's not going to be fine. He'll recover from this, he'll wake up but I don't think he'll ever be fine."

Remus closed his eyes to hide the shimmering tears he refused to let out. How could Harry do this to himself? Was Harry trying to kill himself? Maybe he was. Remus shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. No. He didn't even want to think about that…

Sirius was thinking along the same lines. Was this an accident? Or was this a suicide attempt? He knew that Harry could simply have cut just a little too deep, unintentionally spilling a little too much blood. Remus had done that a few times. Sirius couldn't count the amount of times he had walked into his dorm room at Hogwarts to find Moony unconscious on the bed, blood soaking the already scarlet sheets, turning them a darker, more sinister red. He never meant to do it. It was always accidental; Remus had never attempted suicide, although he had come close several times.

But even if Harry was not suicidal, what he was doing to himself was dangerous. If he didn't stop, he was going to end up dead whether he meant to do it or not. And Sirius was not going to let that happen. If he had to lock his godson in a padded cell and put him in a straight jacket, then that's what he would do. This had to stop, because he couldn't live with the guilt and depression if he let Harry kill himself. This had to stop soon.

 **+HPRWHGHPRWHGHPRWHG+**

"Oh my Merlin!" Hermione's hands flew to her face when she opened the bathroom door. Sirius and Remus had not had time to clean it before, and the room was still stained with bright scarlet.

"What happened?" asked Ron, his freckled face going from pale white to a sickly shade of gray as he saw the blood soaked tiles.

"I don't know," Hermione said weakly, silvery tear tracks making their way down her cheeks like small rivers. "Look! There!" Hermione exclaimed suddenly, pointing to a small shimmering object that stood out in the ominous sea of red. Ron walked forward and picked it up, cleaning it in the sink. He looked at it in shock, as if he couldn't quite believe it was there.

"What is it?" asked Hermione, who was growing fearful at Ron's expression. She looked at the tiny thing in his hands; it looked like small piece of metal that seemed to be rusting slightly.

"Hermione it's a razor blade," whispered Ron. "You don't think…" Ron trailed off, afraid to even voice the terrifying thoughts that had entered his mind. Hermione began to hyperventilate.

"No," she choked out. "NO! He just – just s-slipped!" She cried desperately.

"Hermione, this is a blade that's been snapped off one of those muggle razor blades. It looks like it's done on purpose too."

"He can't. It's impossible," Hermione stated firmly. Even as she said the words, she knew they were a lie. Harry was an impulsive, emotional and sensitive boy. He had been acting strange ever since the final task. He had never worn long sleeves in the summer before, and now he was wearing jackets in the hottest part of the year. Hermione closed her eyes, scared to acknowledge the terrifying logic that struggled to overpower her denial.

"We need to go, before Mum catches us up here," said Ron, carefully replacing the blade on the once white floor and cleaning the blood off his hands. He wrapped an arm around Hermione, who seemed too shocked and upset to move b herself, and led him to the bedroom that Ron was sleeping in.

 **A/N: Hello! Sorry, I know that was a rubbish ending, but I am quite pleased with how the rest of it turned out. If you have time, please leave a review telling me what you thought. I know it's been a long time, but I have just finished school for two weeks so I should have more time to write. Hope you enjoyed! Milo.**


	11. Chapter 11

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own harry Potter (obviously).

 **Chapter 11**

"Harry. Harry!" Harry opened his eyes and was immediately confronted by a startlingly bright light. He blinked a few times, realizing it was just the sunlight pouring through the open curtains. He looked around and saw Ginny sitting by his bedside, concern and pain clear on her face.

"Ginny?" Harry asked. He reached toward the bedside table, but Ginny got there first, placing his glasses gently on his face.

"Harry, you're awake," she said, relief saturating her voice. With his glasses on, Harry could now see her properly. He could see the dark circles under her tired, bloodshot eyes that shone with unshed tears, the way her cheek bones pierced the skin of her face a little more than they did before and her ribs stuck out a little more beneath the tight, red long-sleeved tank top that looked entirely too hot considering the stifling summer heat.

"Ginny…" Harry tried to sit up, but was firmly pushed back down by Ginny. "Ginny, are you okay? What's wrong?" Harry asked, his concern overshadowing any other thoughts.

"No, I'm not okay," Ginny said, much to Harry's surprise. Ginny may trust him more than anyone, but she never admitted to him that she was not okay. She had come to him for help on many occasions, but she would never say she was not okay. It was always 'I'm fine' or 'There's nothing wrong' or 'I'm just tired'. Harry of course knew there was something wrong, and knew how to help her, but she never openly said it.

"Gin, what's wrong?" harry asked, panicking now.

"Harry, why did you do it? Why did you hurt yourself?" Ginny asked, saltwater tears now attacking her pale face, stinging her dry cheeks and lips. She didn't care.

Harry closed his eyes, ashamed. How could he do this? He had promised her… he had promised Ginny he wouldn't.

"I am so sorry Ginny. I just couldn't… I needed it. So badly. My head was screaming at me to cut, and I couldn't resist any longer. I'm so sorry Ginny; you know how hard I tried to stop. I promised you that I would, and I did, and you have no idea how much that hurts me. Gin, I am so sorry, but I can't do this. I can't keep that promise. Cutting is the only thing that helps. It… its just pure relief. The pain feels amazing, and as much as I try to convince myself that I don't like it, I can't. I like the pain, Gin. It makes everything go away. I guess that means I'm crazy." Harry's eyes were swimming in tears by the time he finished his speech.

"Harry…" Ginny couldn't say anything else. She buried her face in the sheets next to Harry's head and cried; cried for her best friend who was in so much pain, cried for his family and friends who were so concerned about him, and cried for herself. Because she couldn't do it either. She was just as crazy as he was.

Harry couldn't stand crying girls; they made him uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do. But with Ginny it was different. He knew what she needed, he knew exactly how to help her, and instead of feeling uncomfortable he just felt pain. When she was hurting, he hurt too. He wrapped an arm tightly around her shaking body and held her as she cried. He brought his other hand up to gently stroke her hair

"Harry, I need to tell you something," Ginny admitted quietly. Harry felt his heart sink as she sat up and faced him. He had suspected ever since he had seen that shirt. Usually, Ginny used a concealment potion to cover the scars and wore short sleeves to try to avoid any suspicion. Sure enough, she checked to door for anyone who might interrupt before rolling up her sleeve. Harry knew what he would see, but strangely that didn't make it any easier.

There on Ginny's forearm were five parallel cuts, all very recent judging by the bright scarlet liquid still seeping out of them. Ginny closed her eyes, unable to look at the hurt and pain on her best friend's face.

"I am so sorry," Ginny whispered.

"You should be," Harry said to her. Ginny tried not to show how much pain those words caused her. "You should be sorry for hurting yourself, Gin. You are too good to be causing yourself pain. You shouldn't want to do that; you shouldn't need to do that, because you are perfect." Ginny smiled at this.

"I'm not perfect Harry," she said.

"Maybe you're not," Harry told her. "But to me, your imperfections just make you that much more perfect." Harry had no idea where these words were coming from, but the minute he spoke them, he knew they were the truth. He sat up on his bed to face Ginny. "Ginny you can't do this to yourself. You are too good for this. You have a whole life ahead of you Gin. You have an amazing future with your family. My future is clouded by Voldemort. I have to kill him," Harry said quietly.

"Harry, you don't have to kill him. Someone else could do it, it's not like it has to be you," Ginny said, a confused frown on her pretty face.

"I have this feeling that it's going to b me. He keeps coming after me and I don't even bloody know why. I don't know why he wants to kill me."

"I thought it was because he couldn't kill you when you were a baby, you made him disappear," Ginny said. Harry shook his head slowly.

"No. He came to kill me that night. Not my parents. Me," Harry said, silently watching for her reaction. Ginny's eyes widened slightly in fear.

"But why would he want to kill you? You were only one? How do you know this?" Ginny asked quickly, her voice getting higher and higher as she spoke. She didn't want to imagine that vile, evil _thing_ would try to kill a _baby_. She knew he had no qualms about hurting children; after all, she had only been eleven when he possessed her and forced her to hurt people. But to think that he would murder a defenseless one-year old baby was horrifying.

"I've never told anyone this before," Harry said shyly, afraid she would think he was crazy.

"Harry, you don't have to tell me, but you can trust me. Surely you know that by now?" Harry chuckled.

"I guess I should know that by now. When the dementors come too close to me… I can hear them. I can hear my parents last moments. I heard Tom talking to my Mum. He was telling her to move aside, that she needn't die. She could have lived," Harry's voice cracked slightly when he said this. She could have lived. It was painful to think about. "She refused to move. She died for me. That's what saved me. He couldn't hurt me because my Mum died to save me." Harry looked up to see Ginny watching him with teary eyes. Silently, she pulled him into her arms and held him as he cried, as he had done for her just moments ago.

"Harry, I'm so sorry," she whispered. Harry pulled back and looked at her. She really was perfect, he thought as he got lost in her warm, chocolate orbs.

"This is why I have to kill him Gin," Harry told her, taking her injured wrist in his gentle hands.

"Well then, you better get used to having me around. I have a few scores of my own to settle with Tom. I'll be with you the whole way, through everything, no matter how dangerous, no matter how much you want to keep me safe. I'll be there Harry," she told him firmly. She knew he would try to keep her safe, and she refused to allow it. She would be there the whole way, through thick and thin, no matter what.

Harry realized that both of them had unconsciously moved closer to each other during their conversation, only a few inches separating their faces. Acting purely on instinct, Harry closed the gap, pressing his lips gently to hers and kissing her. He brought one hand up to her now dry cheek the other still keeping its gentle hold on her wrist.

Ginny was in shock. Harry was kissing her! She wrapped her free arm around his neck and kissed him back. After a few moments that seemed like forever, they pulled away from each other. They both looked at each other, brilliant smiles lighting up their faces. Ginny pulled him back towards her, pressing her lips more forcefully against his this time. He responded immediately, his hand combing through her fire red hair.

"Hey Ginny, your mo-" Harry and Ginny immediately jumped apart as if they had been burned.

"Sirius," Harry said awkwardly, his face a brilliant shade of red that could rival any Weasley. Ginny hurriedly pulled down her sleeve as she saw Sirius' eyes land on her arm. She looked sheepishly down at her lap and fidgeted with her fingers, the tips of her ears turning pink with embarrassment.

"Er… sorry. I didn't know that you were awake Harry. Ginny your mother wants you downstairs for lunch," Sirius said awkwardly. Ginny jumped up and ran out the door, pausing only to glance back at Harry and offer him a small smile. Sirius slowly shut the door behind him, raising one eyebrow at his godson, whose face turned even redder, if that was possible.

"Erm… we were… I was… we were just…" Harry stumbled over his words, unable to produce a full sentence. Sirius watched in amusement as he tried to find an acceptable excuse for the position in which he had been found.

"Kissing her?" Sirius asked, trying not to laugh at his godson.

"Uh, well… kinda?" Harry grimaced in embarrassment as Sirius roared with laughter at his face.

"What the bloody hell is goin- Harry! You're awake!" Remus walked over to Harry, checking the bandages on his wrist and feeling his forehead for his temperature. "You're all red… do you have a temperature? Are you feeling all right?" he asked in concern. Sirius laughed even harder at this. Harry just groaned, sliding back under the covers and pulling them up over his head. Remus frowned.

"Padfoot, why are you laughing?" He turned to his best friend.

"NO! He's not laughing!" Harry sprung out of bed, quickly clamping his hand over Sirius' mouth. Sirius lifted him off as if he weighed barely anything, which was probably true. "He's not laughing!" Harry said sternly. "Right Padfoot?" Harry asked sweetly. He knew that if he gave Sirius his wide-eyed, pleading look then he wouldn't tell.

"No, I'm not laughing," said Sirius. Remus raised an eyebrow at the two of them. They both were very good at looking innocent, although Remus knew they were anything but.

"Okay…" Remus said, clearly confused. "Harry, you should get back into bed," Remus said. Harry looked like he was about to argue, but we started to wobble a bit as the room became unsteady and started to spin. Sirius and Remus helped him over to the bed.

"How long was I asleep?" asked harry.

"Only four days Kid," Sirius answered, easily lifting Harry onto the bed and pulling the covers over him. "You lost a lot of blood, Harry." Sirius said, his tone now deadly serious. Harry's gaze flitted around the room, never meeting either of his guardian's eyes.

"Harry, why did you do it?" asked Remus. "I told you to come talk to me if you ever felt like cutting… don't you trust me?" He asked. Harry's eyes widened and his head snapped up to look at Remus.

"NO! Of course I trust you!" He exclaimed, horrified. "I just… I don't know. It just became too much I guess," Harry told them, going back to looking around the room.

"Harry… Remus and I think you need some help," Sirius said, watching cautiously as Harry froze. "Harry, we think you need to talk to someone. Like a professional."

"Absolutely not. If I talk to some healer person, it'll be all over the news. I'm already being called a nutter for saying Tom's back, I don't need them to know I'm mentally fucked up," Harry said icily. Remus didn't bother telling him off for his coarse language.

"Harry, you're not. Don't say that, it's not true. You're just going through a hard time right now, okay? Do you think Ginny's mentally fucked up?" Sirius asked with a knowing gleam in his eyes. He knew he had Harry cornered with this one.

"How do you know about Ginny?" Harry asked, panic clear in his voice.

"Kid, she had her sleeve rolled up and blood dripping in when I walked in the room. And judging by what I witnessed when I walked in, I'd say that you don't think Ginny is mentally fucked up," Sirius smirked as his godson's face turned red again. Harry narrowed his eyes, giving his godfather his famous death stare; the one that could scare off the bravest Gryffindor when Harry was in a bad mood. Sirius just laughed.

"Ginny is not mentally fucked up," Harry said coldly. Sirius laughed again, louder this time. Remus was once again staring at the two of them, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Seriously, what is so funny?" He asked.

"Well, I walked in the room to tell Ginny that her Mum wanted her downstairs," Sirius started. Harry immediately tried to cover his mouth but Sirius swatted his hand away as if were nothing more than a particularly irritating mosquito. Harry tried to jump on Sirius' back and put him in a choke hold, but Sirius just held his arms in a tight grip. Harry continued to try to wrestle with Sirius. "And I find the two of them snogging each other," Sirius laughed as Harry fell to the bed in defeat, punching Sirius on the arm as hard as he could.

"OW! Kid that hurt!" Sirius exclaimed, pushing Harry so he fell onto his side. Harry righted himself again and glared at him. Remus was now laughing as hard as Sirius. Harry just growled at them both.

"I'm going downstairs to see everyone," He said before stomping towards the door.

"In you pajamas?" Remus asked, still laughing, much to Harry's displeasure. Looking down, Harry found that someone had dressed him in his Gryffindor colored flannel pajamas.

"Yeah, well, I'll just get changed first then," Harry said, grabbing his clothes and storming out the door.

"We'll be checking you when you get back Harry! Don't you dare try anything! You have exactly three minutes before we bang the door down whether you are dressed or not!" Sirius called, his laughter coming to an abrupt stop.

"Sure, sure," Harry called back, slamming the bathroom door behind him. He pulled off his shirt and looked at himself in the mirror. Harry was disgusted by what he saw. His ribs looked like they were going to pierce right through his skin, and his hip bones stuck out underneath his stomach He turned and he could see every little bone in his spine, running up his scarred back.

He looked at the scars. There were so many, he could barely tell one from another. There were large red welts that still hadn't healed from his last days at the Dursley's almost two weeks ago. No one knew about these; not even Ginny and he planned to keep it that way. He was terrified that one day someone was going to find out. The press would have a field day; Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, abused and beaten by his muggle family. Harry shuddered to imagine what everyone would think of him. That he was weak, damaged, dirty.

"That's it Harry, we're coming in!" Sirius called. He had clearly been in here too long. Harry jumped back from the door, eyes wide as Sirius walked into the bathroom.

"Why do you look guilty?" Sirius asked suspiciously seeing Harry's terrified expression. "What are you hiding Harry? You know we're going to find out eventually." Sirius looked down at Harry's wrist, but there was no blood, no cuts. He scanned the counter, looking for a blade or a razor, but found nothing. He turned back to his godson, his eyebrows raised.

"Are you gonna get dressed?" Sirius asked.

"Uh… dressed, yeah," came Harry's eloquent response. Just then Ginny came to stand next to Sirius, obviously wondering what was taking Harry so long.

"What are you hiding?" she asked immediately, her eyes narrowing. Harry looked between the two of them. Ginny crossed her arms defiantly across her chest. Ginny's eyes began scanning the room, just as Sirius' had, looking for a blade of some sort. She looked into the mirror and saw Harry's reflection.

"Harry, turn around," she said fiercely, her usually trusting and adorable brown eyes sparkling with fiery anger. Harry looked pleadingly at her, but she wouldn't be swayed. Harry looked at Sirius, who was looking at him questioningly. _This could not get any worse,_ thought Harry as he slowly turned around, showing them the heavily scarred skin of his back. He heard two sharp gasps and felt small, gentle fingers trace the marks on his back. Harry looked behind him to see Sirius leaning against the doorframe, eyes closed and pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"Harry, who the bloody hell did this to you?" Sirius asked, his voice deceivingly and dangerously calm. Harry turned around to face him. Sirius didn't move.

"Uncle Vernon," he answered quietly. Sirius sighed loudly and Ginny broke down in sobs.

"Harry, why in the name of Merlin did you not tell anyone about this?" Sirius asked in the same calm voice.

"Because it's not important," Harry replied. Sirius sighed again.

"Harry!" Ginny scolded him, tears still leaving shining rivers down her pale, freckled face. "How on earth could you possibly think that this is not important? That monster is abusing you! He is beating you! Harry, this is child abuse!" Ginny was becoming hysterical now. "Why did you not tell Sirius? Or Dumbledore? Or me? Or anyone!?" Harry reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling him into his embrace as he had done so many times in the past couple of weeks.

"Ginny, it's alright. I'm alright." Harry stroked her hair, consoling her as she snuggled into his still naked chest.

"Harry, that's it. We're going to Dumbledore," Sirius said walking out of the room. Harry didn't bother arguing. It had taken a lot of persuasion to stop him going to Dumbledore last time; he knew he didn't have a hope in hell of stopping him this time. Of course, harry didn't know that they had already been to Dumbledore.

"Shh, Gin. It'll be alright. It's gonna be okay. I'm fine, it's all alright. We'll both get through this," Harry repeating the same meaningless reassurances in her ear that he used when she had a nightmare. They both knew it wasn't alright, but they could pretend, if only for a while.

 **A/N: Hello! I know that was a rubbish place to end it, but this chapter was getting quite long! I hope you enjoyed it, and please tell me what you thought! I would love some feedback, and I take into account any suggestions that I get! The next chapter should be up soon! Milo.**


	12. Chapter 12

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to the brilliant J K Rowling.

 **A/N: Hello! I know this is really early, but I was bored. Hope you enjoy it!**

 **Chapter 12**

"Harry! You're awake!" Molly Weasley rushed towards Harry, enveloping him in a bone-crushing hug. "Oh dear, it's so good to see you better. Don't you ever do that to us again young man," Molly whispered in Harry's ear as she pulled away to continue getting breakfast ready. Harry could have sworn he had seen tears on her cheeks, but when he looked again she had wiped them away. Harry felt guilty and ashamed for worrying everyone unnesicarily. He was sick of being such a burden.

"HARRY!" Harry turned just in time to be tackled by a very enthusiastic Hermione. "Oh, I'm so glad you're better!"

"Hey Hermione," Harry laughed. "I'd feel even better if I could breathe." Hermione pulled back immediately, a pink blush creeping up her neck.

"Good to see you up and about mate," Ron gave Harry a hug that looked very painful to the girls, slapping each other's backs as hard as the possibly could. "Sirius and Mum wouldn't let us see you. We asked Remus what happened but he wouldn't tell us anything," Ron frowned at Harry.

"I just slipped over. Nothing exciting," Harry remarked casually taking a seat next to Ginny at the table. Harry wrapped his arm around her shoulders and Ginny immediately snuggled into his side, taking comfort from the warmth of his familiar embrace. Nobody found this unusual, seeing as they had become such good friends. It was quite common to find Harry with his arm around Ginny, or Ginny running her fingers through the messy mop Harry called hair. Although at first Ginny's brothers had been quite uncomfortable with their idle touches.

"So you slipped over? What caused all of the blood?" Hermione asked. Sirius chose that moment to walk into the room and frowned at Hermione suspiciously. How did she know there was a lot of blood? Molly had made them stay downstairs. Ginny's petite form stiffened next to Harry and Harry face paled dramatically, losing the little color it had regained since he had woken up.

"Uh… well I don't know. I guess I must have landed on something. I was sort of out of it at the time, so I don't quite remember exactly what happened," Harry told her nervously. Hermione and Ron were both looking at him with narrowed eyes.

"Right. Did you like maybe slip over and fall on, I don't know, just off the top of my head, like one of those muggle razor things?" asked Ron. Harry could tell by the way Ron said it that it wasn't really a question and his face grew even paler. Sirius was starting to worry the he was getting sick. Mrs. Weasley looked around sharply at her son's words.

"Ronald Bilius Weasley! I thought I told you and Hermione to stay downstairs while Sirius and Remus went to help Harry!" She yelled, loud enough for the whole house to hear. Remus came down the stairs then and quietly put locking and silencing charms on the kitchen doors before taking a seat next to Sirius.

"Our friend was injured! Ginny came down here, blood covering her hands and clothes saying something about Harry and you expected us to just stay down here like good little children? You've got to be joking!" Ron shouted. Everyone's eyebrows shot up. No one ever dared to yell back at Molly Weasley. The biggest surprise however, was Molly's response.

"I'm sorry Ronald; I suppose that was rather silly of me. But you should have known that if I told you to stay down here I must have had a good reason for telling you that!" She exclaimed, exasperated.

"Sorry Mum," Ron muttered.

"Sorry Mrs. Weasley. We really were just worried about Harry. We saw the blood and no one would tell us what happened. We were just going to see he was okay," Hermione told her, looking ashamed of going against her orders.

"Of course dear, I understand," Mrs. Weasley told her kindly.

"Alright now that that's out of the way," Hermione turned her gaze back to Harry who shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Would you like to explain what the bloody hell happened? And cut the crap Harry, we know you didn't trip. Either you tell us, or we are going to force it out of you," Hermione told him. Her voice was cold and angry, but her eyes were full of regret and sadness for her friend.

Everyone was in shock after hearing Hermione swear. Remus supposed living with Harry and Ron had started to rub off on her.

"I told you, I slipped on some water that was on the ground," was Harry's reply.

"Harry mate, there was no water on the ground," Ron said, now frustrated. They were his best friends! Didn't they deserve to know! They only wanted to help him in any way they could.

"Harry, you did that deliberately didn't you. You hurt yourself," Hermione said so softly Harry almost didn't hear her. Almost. Harry looked between their determined faces. He really didn't want to tell them. He didn't want them to reject him, because that's what would happen if he told them. They would think he was a freak, that he was messed up. They wouldn't want to be friends with someone so broken, and Harry couldn't stand it if they abandoned him after everything they'd been through together. It would hurt too much.

"Harry, they deserve to know," Sirius told his godson. Harry looked up at him with a tortured expression. "Why don't you want to tell them?" Sirius didn't understand why Harry looked so upset at the idea. Ginny, however, understood perfectly.

"Harry they're not going to reject you. They just want to help you. They're not going to just abandon you because of this. This is a part of you, and they love you. Right?" Ginny asked looking towards Hermione and Ron. Sirius looked uncomfortable when Ginny said it was a part of Harry. He didn't like that wording. It made it sound like Harry had been cutting for a long time. He hadn't… had he? Hermione looked aghast.

"You thought we'd just abandon you because you hurt yourself?"Hermione asked, shocked that Harry could ever think that was possible. Harry looked down at his lap in embarrassment and began fidgeting with his sleeves. Ginny grabbed his hands gently and held them in her own, tracing soft circles on his palms with her fingers. No one noticed this except for Sirius who smirked knowingly at the young couple.

"Harry, you're our best friend. We just want to help. We've been worried sick the past four days. Ginny refused to talk about it and everyone else just told us to mind our own business," Ron looked at his best friend. He was always so strong, it was heartbreaking to see him this broken.

"Harry you weren't… I mean – you weren't trying to… k-kill y-yourself, were you?" Hermione whispered, terrified at the thought of losing her best friend of four years to suicide. Sirius, Remus and Molly all watched intently for Harry's reaction. It was something they had all been wondering for the past four days. Harry's head shot up at Hermione's words.

"No! Of course I wasn't! I wouldn't – I wasn't… It was an accident!" Harry exclaimed. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

"How long, Harry?" Hermione asked her voice full of undisguised relief. Harry froze. He hadn't told anyone apart from Ginny how long he had been cutting for, not even Sirius and Remus, and he wasn't sure how they would react.

"I first cut myself when I was nine," Harry admitted. Everyone in the room gasped, and Hermione's hands flew to her mouth. Ginny wrapped her arms around Harry's neck, burying her face in his chest to hide the tears in her eyes. Harry his arms around her, holding her tightly to calm her down. She already knew this, but it didn't make it easier to hear. Sirius and Remus looked pained and shocked. Harry had been cutting since he was nine years old. Sirius looked like he was about to say something, but Harry continued speaking.

"It wasn't deep, but the pain helped. I stopped after I went to Hogwarts for my first year. I felt a lot happier, and I didn't need it anymore. Then after second year, after the Chamber…" harry trailed off and unconsciously held on to Ginny even tighter. "That's when it got bad. It still wasn't deep, but I did it more often, and I became… addicted I guess. To the pain, the relief. Then last year during the tournament the cuts got deeper. The other day I was upset, I don't know why, about everything that's going on I guess. It just became too much. I promised someone that I wouldn't cut myself, but eventually I couldn't do it anymore. I accidently went too deep and I passed out."

"Who was it that you promised?" Hermione asked curiously, thinking that it was probably Sirius or Remus.

"Me," Ginny said, shifting her position so that she was facing everyone but still safely cradled in Harry's arms.

"You knew about this?" Ron asked in disbelief, slightly hurt that his little sister found out before he did.

"Yes, I found out over a week ago," Ginny admitted, clearly worried about Ron and Hermione's reaction to the news. Hemrione was looking at the two suspiciously. They seemed to be even closer than they had been before Harry's 'accident', and it certainly had not escaped her notice.

"Ginny, why did you know about it?" Hemrione asked the younger witch.

"One night when I had a nightmare, Harry came to talk to me. We were going down to the kitchen to get some hot chocolate and I tripped. I grabbed his arms for support and he started screaming and there was blood everywhere. I made him show me his arm," Ginny told them, now fiddling slightly with her own sleeve. Harry grabbed her hands, just as she had done for him, and began tracing patterns on her ivory skin. Ginny shuddered as she remembered how the blood had soaked Harry's sleeve, the look of agony on his face as the cuts reopened and began to bleed.

"Alright, why don't we all have some breakfast?" suggested Remus, trying to lighten the mood. His half-hearted efforts were in vain however and the silent group trooped towards the counter to collect the plates Mrs. Weasley had prepared for them during their talk. Remus waved his wand towards the door and the twins stumbled in. They had clearly been trying to gain entrance for some time.

"Why couldn't we get in?" George asked.

"Yeah, we tried knocking but no one answered, and we couldn't hear anything!" Fred and George looked around at everyone's somber expressions. "You know what I'm thinking George?" Fred whispered in his twin's ear.

"Hopefully what I'm thinking Fred," George whispered back.

"We need to cheer everyone up with a prank," They both whispered together, retreating out of the room to collect their supplies. This exchange went unnoticed by the rest of the room who were now sitting and eating their meal in silence.

"Harry dear, you need to eat something," Mrs. Weasley chastised as she watched Harry push his food around his plate, never taking a single bite. "You too Ginevra," she said as she noticed her daughter was doing the same.

"Don't call me Ginevra," was Ginny's only reply. The two continued to play with their food, still not eating. Eventually Harry pushed the plate away and exited the room, slowly making his way back towards his bedroom. Ginny tried to follow but was stopped by her mother.

"Gine- sorry _Ginny_ you are not leaving this table without eating something," Molly told her firmly. Ginny glared at her before sitting back down and picking at her food, not really paying attention to what she was eating. She was really getting sick of the adults in this house. She knew they meant well, but she also knew that not one of them, maybe with the exception of Remus, knew a single thing about what her and harry were going through. She was sick of it.

 **+HPGWHPGWHPGW+**

When Harry reached his room, he went through the usual routine of pushing the desk against the door and locking it before reaching for his blade. He slowly rolled up his sleeves. The cuts that he had made a few days earlier had disappeared without a trace, not even leaving a scar. They must have been healed using magic.

Harry was slightly upset. He didn't like his scars. He thought they were ugly. They stopped him from wearing short sleeves because people would judge him; they proved that he was broken. Even though he didn't like them, he was somewhat proud of them. They were a part of who he was and he wouldn't want to get rid of them, even if he could. They showed just how messed up he really was, and the more masochistic side of him rather enjoyed watching them shimmer slightly in the sunlight coming through the window.

To him they were an imperfect reminder of the perfect pain from which they had been born. He knew that if he didn't have the scars a part of him would be lost. He knew that it would only encourage him to make new ones anyway. He liked being marked. He didn't like the scars, but he liked being scarred. He supposed that probably wouldn't make sense to anyone else, but to him, in his messed-up, demented, haunted mind it made perfect sense.

He pressed the blade hard into his skin and watched the blood bubble up out onto his arm before he dragged it violently across his wrist. He watched as the blood dripped down onto the sheets, not caring that someone would probably see it and Remus and Sirius would find out. He didn't care about much when he was hurting himself. He cut open his wrist again, this time going slightly deeper than he had gone before.

It seemed that every time he cut himself he went just a little deeper. He loved the feeling of panic that shot through his chest when he thought that he had cut a little too deep, the way his heart raced as he watched the blood pour from his skin, the dizziness that attacked his head as he watched more and more of the precious deep red liquid escape his veins and spill out onto the now bloody sheets. He cut himself a third time; this one was slightly shallower, but it still hurt him, and he loved the pain. Relished the burning, stinging feeling that accompanied cutting. It proved that he was alive, that he wasn't completely dead yet.

Harry heard a scraping noise at the door and looked up to see someone trying to force their way through the door. Harry could see that the desk wasn't going to stop them for much longer. He would have tried to cover it up, but he knew that it was no use. The sheets were soaked in his blood and they would probably check his arms anyway. He did attempt to hide the blade. He knew that it was no use, but he was running out of things to use. He carefully placed the blade under the alarm clock, hiding it from view, and then just sat there, blood running down his wrist in small, gory rivers.

A few seconds later, Sirius appeared in the doorway, closely followed by Ginny. The both ran over to the bed, Sirius only pausing to put locking and silencing charms on the door. Only Remus would be able to enter.

"Harry," he said. He grabbed to young boys wrist and started to say the healing charm, but Harry tore his arm from his grasp. Sirius looked up at him, confused and concerned. Ginny, as usual, understood him perfectly.

"Here Harry, let me bandage your arm," she said gently. She knew he wanted to keep the scars. The he felt oddly proud of them in a way. She began to clean his wounds with an antiseptic wipe, killing off any infection. Harry smiled a twisted, haunting smile as he felt the antiseptic sting the cuts, making them hurt even more. He loved every second of the pain. Sirius noticed his smile and his heart shattered. What had made this boy so broken that he smiled when in agonizing pain?

Ginny slowly wrapped a clean white bandage tightly around his wrist, taking care to cause as little pain as possible. Harry remained silent during the entire process. Once she finished, Harry looked up at Sirius. He winced at the tortured expression on his godfather's face, knowing that he was reason he was in so much pain.

"Stand up," Sirius said softly. Harry did as he was told. Sirius waved his wand and the bed sheets flew off the bed and piled themselves in the washing basket in the corner of the room. Another flick of his wand and the bed was covered in fresh sheets.

"Give me the blade Kid," Sirius said firmly, yet not unkindly. Harry looked down at his feet, reluctant to give it to him; He knew that he could easily find something else, but he still felt strangely protective of the small piece of metal that brought him so much relief. Sirius sighed when he did not move, and with another wave of his wand, the razor came flying out from beneath the clock.

"Remus and I need to talk to you about a few things. We'll meet you in the drawing room in ten minutes. Ginny you may come too if Harry wants you to," Sirius said quietly before leaving the room.

Harry pulled Ginny into his arms and sat down on his freshly made bed. Holding her made him feel better about everything. Like maybe he wasn't totally alone.

"Do you want me to come with you to see Remus and Sirius?" Ginny asked after a couple of minutes.

"Yes. I don't want to repeat everything again for you, you may as well just hear it now," Harry told her.

"What about Ron and Hermione?" Ginny asked. Surely Harry would want his friends to know too now that they were aware of his problem.

"I don't want them to know. I don't want them to treat me differently," Harry explained to her. Ginny nodded in understanding as she grabbed Harry's hand, pulling him up off the bed.

"Ready?" she asked him.

"As I'll ever be," Harry replied. He paused to give her a soft kiss on the lips before leading her out the door towards the drawing room. This was going to be a difficult conversation.

 **A/N: Hello! I know this chapter is really early again, but I'm on school holidays and I'll be going back to school soon so I won't be able to update as often. Hope that you enjoy it and please leave a review telling me what you thought! Milo.**


	13. Chapter 13

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** If I owned Harry Potter, Snape would never have died!

 **A/N: Hello! Another update! Thank you for all the amazing feedback I have received for this story, I really do appreciate it! I do personally reply to any reviews that I get (from people with accounts, as I can't reply to those without accounts obviously) and I am glad to hear that people like my story. Hop you enjoy! Milo.**

 **Chapter 13**

"Harry, it's alright, you're not in trouble," Remus assured Harry, who was currently sitting nervously on the loveseat in the drawing room. The only thing keeping him together was that Ginny was sitting next to him, holding one of his hands in both of hers.

Harry had known that Sirius and Remus were going to make him talk to them. After all, they had found out that he was hurting himself, and then after he had told them he had stopped they found him unconscious on the bathroom floor with blood everywhere, not to mention Sirius had seen some of the scars and welts from the abuse he received from his Uncle. Of course he hadn't seen all of them; no he had covered everything he could with a glamour charm, but he wasn't that skilled at it yet, but all of the bruising and most of the scars and wounds on his back were covered when Sirius saw him. Nothing could cover the self-harm scars though. He was just thankful the wards on Grimmauld Place prevented the Ministry from detecting underage magic.

"Harry, we are seriously getting worried about you. We have tried to get you to talk to us, but you refuse. You wake up from nightmares at least once or twice a night," said Sirius. Harry could tell that both of them were worried. He hated himself for worrying them, but he couldn't survive without cutting. He needed it.

"I haven't woken up screaming once this week," Harry told them. Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius snorted.

"Harry, you've been unconscious for the last four days, and I walked into your room a few days before the… incident because I was wondering why you hadn't woken anyone up in a few days, and I saw you thrashing around in your bed. You put silencing charms around your bed." Sirius gave Harry his best I'm-Not-Fooled glare, and Harry sighed in defeat.

"Fine, so the nightmares haven't stopped. I doubt you can make them stop. I've been trying for who knows how many years now," Harry told them; he was getting quite frustrated. He really hated talking to people about himself. At least they were just talking about nightmares. That was pretty easy. He wasn't looking forward to explaining to them why Ginny had found him on the bathroom floor, passed out because of severe blood loss.

"You will be taking a dreamless sleep potion every night from now on, at least until you stop looking like one of those zombies from those muggle horror films," Remus said sternly, leaving no room for argument. Harry nodded glumly.

"Ginny, I will have to talk to your mother and father, but I think you should do the same," Remus said turning to the young witch curled up next to Harry. Ginny sighed, realizing that if they went to her mother, she would definitely agree. Ginny hated dreamless sleep potions. They were disgusting.

They sat in silence for a few seconds. Sirius, of course, was the one to break it.

"Harry, take off your shirt," he demanded suddenly. Harry paled immediately, the little color in his face completely disappearing. Remus looked at Sirius as if he had lost his marbles, and Harry assumed Sirius hadn't told him about that particular discovery yet. Harry shut his eyes tight. Maybe, if he just imagined he wasn't there he would open his eyes and he would be back in his bedroom with his blade. He opened his eyes. No luck.

"No, I'm not taking off my shirt," Harry whispered, his eyes wide with fear. He definitely did not want to talk about this. His Uncle had threatened to kill him if he ever showed anyone. Maybe he should just tell them see, and let his Uncle kill him if he wanted to. He was starting to think that death was surely preferable to life. If not, what was the point of living through this torture? The gut wrenching pain that never left, only tamed temporarily by the pain that came from cutting himself. The heart breaking guilt that plagued him every day he lived knowing he had caused people to die. Innocent people like Cedric and his parents. Harry decided he hated life.

"Harry, you have to show them. Please," Ginny whispered in Harry's ear. Sirius smiled gratefully at her. If anyone could get Harry to do something he didn't want to, it was Ginny. She didn't know it yet, but she had Harry wrapped around her skilled fingers and eating out of the palm of her hand.

Harry stood up, shaking from head to foot. His throat constricted, and the air around him grew heavy; it was getting very hard to breathe. He heard someone call his name in the distance, but he couldn't focus on the voice. He collapsed to his knees, not hearing or seeing anything around him. Then, all of a sudden, he could hear everything; every time someone screamed his name in concern, every footstep on the cold wooden floors, every slam of the door and single one of his panicked breaths. He was surprised that he could hear all of this over the thudding in his ears and chest. He felt someone force him to swallow something that tasted vile and found himself calming down. As his breathing evened, he could focus on the voices and what was happening around him. He looked up and saw Ginny in front of him, her small hands on either side of his face.

"Ginny," he whispered. Ginny looked at him with concern and worry shining through her warm, chocolate colored eyes. Harry finally calmed down. He saw Sirius and Remus standing a few feet away, watching him.

"I'm sorry Harry," Sirius said. "I didn't know that you would panic. But you do need to show us."

"Remus was watching the scene with confusion. Why would Sirius want harry to take his shirt off? Sirius' tone had reminded him of when they were in second year and James had demanded the same thing of Sirius. When Sirius took his short off, they found scars and bruises from his parents' abuse covering his back. That couldn't have happened to Harry… could it? No. That was impossible.

"Harry, it's alright, we gave you a calming draught, and you'll be fine. I know you don't want to, but you can't keep this to yourself. You just can't. You need to show Remus." Ginny told him. "And you need to do it without the glamours," she added. Harry looked at her in amazement.

"How did you know I was wearing glamours?" He asked, bewildered. Ginny frowned for a minute.

"I don't know. I just… knew," she told him. "Anyway, that's not the point, you need to take the charms off and then take your shirt off," she told him firmly. Harry sighed, realizing that he wasn't going to get out of this. If he didn't show them, Sirius would probably tie him to a chair and force him, or do something else equally ridiculous. He could be a little melodramatic at times, and was especially good at overreacting when it came to his godson's safety.

Harry stood slowly and removed his red Gryffindor Quidditch shirt. Remus gasped when he found he could count each and every one of Harry ribs through his skin. He looked like he had been starved. Harry turned around to show him the welts on his back from the belt that his basic glamours wouldn't hide. Remus gasped again. Harry had been abused. He had suffered at the hands of his stupid muggle family, and he had never told anybody. No one had found out. Why did the kid seem to want to suffer through everything in silence? Didn't he know that they were only there to help him? But Remus knew Harry would never ask for help. He would see it as a sign of weakness.

"Harry, why did you not tell anybody? That looks really bad," Remus told him, his voice thick with emotion.

"I'm going to floo Albus. Enough is enough," Sirius told them.

"NO! Don't, please. I don't want him to know," Harry pleaded desperately.

"No. I fell for that shit last time Kid; I'm not doing it again. I can't let you suffer, and I will do anything within my power to help you. Even if you don't want me to." With that, Sirius walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

Harry threw his shirt back over his head and sat back down on the love seat, his head in his hands. Ginny went to sit down next to Harry, putting her arm around him.

"I'm going to go and talk to Albus when he gets here," Remus said, leaving them both in the drawing room on their own.

"Harry, I'm so sorry. I know this is upsetting you, but it is necessary. I think you know that Sirius, Remus and Dumbledore cannot just let you keep hurting like this. They can't let that vile man keep hurting you," Ginny told him. Harry nodded glumly. He looked up at Ginny and was again mesmerized by her eyes. If you looked really closely, you could see all different colors among the beautiful deep brown; gold, blue and green flecks decorated her beautiful irises, and Harry thought she may be the most beautiful person in the world.

"You're beautiful," harry said before he could stop himself. Ginny blushed a pretty pink color. Harry leaned in to kiss her again, this time he was less shy, more passionate, his lips moving more surely against her. Ginny wrapped her arms nightly around his neck, playing with the short hair at the back of his head. Harry's arms snaked around her waist, puller her closer to him. Harry wasn't sure how long they were kissing for when he heard footsteps and voices from down the hallway. The two teens pulled apart quickly.

"Ginny?" Harry asked shyly.

"Yes Harry?" Ginny looked up at him.

"I have one question to ask before everyone comes back in…" Harry's voice trailed off as he gathered the courage for what he was about to ask. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

Harry didn't know why he was so nervous asking this question; perhaps because he felt that his whole existence depended on her answer. Ginny gave him a dazzling smile and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

"I would love to be your girlfriend Harry," Ginny answered, trying to hide her blush behind a shining curtain of long crimson hair. Harry tucked the hair behind her ear before pulling away from her just in time for the door to open. Sirius walked in to the room, closely followed by Remus, Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey and Snape. Harry wondered what in the name of bloody Merlin Snape was doing here. He really did not have to talk about this in front of Snape. They guy hated him!

"Harry, Ginevra," Dumbledore said gravely, surveying them both over his half-moon spectacles. Harry gave him a nod and he conjured a large armchair and took a seat. Sirius, Remus and Madame Pomfrey all took a seat on the long couch while Snape took the remaining armchair in the corner, furthest away from everyone.

"Alright mutt, why are we here?" Snape drawled looking at Sirius. Sirius growled at him.

"I don't know why the bloody hell Dumbledore asked you here, but the rest of us are here for Harry," Sirius said. Snape rolled his eyes back at Sirius.

"Princess Potter stubbed his toe? Or did he bump his head walking down the stairs?" Snape asked snidely. Harry could tell that Ginny was getting angry, so he put his hand over hers in an attempt to calm her down. It didn't work.

"You don't know him," she snarled in the direction of Snape. "You don't know anything about him, because all you see is his father's face and hair, and you treat him like dirt just because he looks like someone you didn't like as a child." Everyone stared at her in shock. Not many people knew how fiery and feisty little Ginny Weasley really could be when she was mad. They were utterly astounded that she had dared to stand up to _Snape_ of all people.

"How dare you?" Snape growled, clearly angry at being disrespected by a student.

"That is quite enough. I'm sure that we can sort out any problems later. We have more pressing issues at the moment," Dumbledore said in his annoyingly calm voice. Snape snarled at the headmaster, clearly frustrated. Harry discreetly wrapped his arm around Ginny waist in an attempt to try to calm her down. She glared at Snape one final time before turning to face Professor Dumbledore.

"I have sent a patronus to Minerva, and she should be arriving any- ahh Minerva, just in time," Dumbledore smiled at his colleague as she walked through the door. Dumbledore conjured up an armchair identical to his and place it in between his chair and the couch.

"Sorry I'm late, I had urgent business to attend to elsewhere," she said before sitting down.

"No need for apologies my dear Minerva, like I said you are just in time," Dumbledore smiled. Harry was getting rally frustrated now. Why were all these people here? He was nervous enough about talking to Dumbledore, let alone Professor Snape and Madame Pomfrey. Professor McGonagall wasn't too bad he guessed. She was always a decent teacher and he knew she cared a lot about her lions.

"Now, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black has told me that you have some things you need to talk about with us today," Dumbledore said in that infuriatingly calm tone, as if he were merely commenting on the weather.

"No, I'm not doing this," Harry said flatly. He stood up and walked to the door to find it locked. "Let me out of here," he growled, not turning around.

"Now Harry, come sit down and we can discuss this together," Dumbledore said. Harry's eyelids fluttered closed before opening again, as if he were desperately trying to control his anger and annoyance.

"Let me out," he said again.

"No Harry. This is a serious issue and it needs to be addressed properly, now come sit down please," replied Dumbledore. Everything in the room shuddered for a moment, and the glass in the cabinets cracked loudly.

"Harry," Sirius warned. "Come on, I know you don't want to do this. I know it's hard. Trust me Kid I know exactly how you feel. My parents weren't exactly that pleased when I became the only Gryffindor in the Noble House of Black. Didn't you ever wonder why I left home and ran to your Dad's house when I was sixteen?" Sirius asked. Harry paused for a moment; he couldn't imagine Sirius running from his parents because they hurt him. He didn't want to imagine it. Sirius was always so brave, so strong. He was his rock; even though that sounded very clichéd it was true.

Harry didn't move for over a minute. He felt a small, warm hand close around his larger and start to pull him back towards the couch. He didn't resist, he just let her drag him back over to everyone and push him back down into his seat.

"Potter don't you think you're getting a bit old to be causing earth tremors and cracking cabinets?" asked Snape, amused by the teens clear annoyance and frustration at the situation.

"Now, now, Severus, that is enough," Dumbledore interrupted. "Harry my boy, why don't you tell us why we are here?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

"I'd rather not," Harry replied quickly. Sirius and Remus both shot him warning glances. Ginny whacked him on the arm. His left arm.

"OW!" Harry yelled before he could stop himself. Ginny's hands flew up to cover her mouth when she realized what she'd done.

"Oh Harry, I'm sorry! I didn't realize! Are you alright?" She asked him, her eyes filled with worry and guilt.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it. Didn't hurt that much anyway," He reassured her gently. Ginny nodded, and after mumbling another apology turned back to face the headmaster again. Dumbledore watched the scene quietly, concern lining his face.

"Harry, why don't you roll up your sleeve," suggested Dumbledore gravely. All the color in Harry's face drained, and he looked up at the headmaster with wide, scared eyes.

"I'd really rather not. A bit cold in here you know, I don't want to catch something," Harry lied smoothly. He had become quite skilled at the art of deceit in the last few years. He found it came naturally to him; he wasn't sure if he should be worried or pleased, but at that moment he decided to go with pleased.

"Harry, I think you know full well that you are not getting out of this," commented Remus in an irritatingly calm tone reminiscent of Dumbledore's. Harry scowled at him before turning his glare on the headmaster.

"Again I ask, why are we here? It seems the Potter brat does not want to tell us whatever is wrong with him so can we leave?" asked Severus.

"Alright, that is it. I don't know why you're here, I certainly didn't ask for you to be here and Harry certainly didn't ask for you to be here. Apparently Albus thinks that you could be of some help, Merlin only knows bloody why, so you can just shut your mouth or leave us in peace!" Sirius yelled at Snape. Snape's expression did not change from his cold, sneering mask.

"I would love to leave, but I have been told I am not permitted to do so," Snape said, giving Albus a cold glare. Dumbledore just chuckled.

"Boys that is enough. Harry needs our help-" Dumbledore started, but he was interrupted by a very angry Harry.

"I do not need anyone's help! I am perfectly fine, why can't you people just leave me the hell ALONE?!" He yelled at them. Snape raised an eyebrow at his outburst.

"BECAUSE THE LAST TIME WE LEFT YOU ALONE, YOU ALMOST KILLED YOURSELF!" Ginny screamed at him.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE ONE TO TALK! I WOKE UP THIS MORNING TO FIND YOU WEARING LONG BLOODY SLEEVES AGAIN!" The two teens were now standing facing each other.

"YOU ARE SUCH A BLOODY HYPOCRITE! YOU CANNOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT; IT'S MY BODY IM NOT HURTING ANYBODY ELSE! I DON'T SEE WHY YOU BLOODY CARE!"

"WELL THEN IF YOU THIK THAT'S TRUE, WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME FOR HURTING MYSELF? IM NOT HURTING ANYBODY ELSE! AND OF COURSE I CARE THAT MY GIRLFRIEND IS HURTING HERSELF! ARE YOU MAD?" The six adults watched their yelling match in amusement. Even Snape had to hold back a laugh at the two teens. Sirius thought they were so much like Lily and James. Hopefully though they didn't fight quite as much as they did, otherwise everyone would be deaf by the end of the year.

Harry and Ginny stood there fuming at each other for a few more minutes, before Ginny flung herself back down onto the small couch. Harry followed cautiously; he had never experienced her infamous bat-bogey hex first-hand before, and he didn't really fancy it. After a few seconds, the two seemed to forget they were mad at each other, and Ginny continued tracing comforting patterns on the back of Harry's hand. The adults sat there watching them, waiting for more screaming. When none came Dumbledore spoke again.

"Alright, now that we have got that out the way," Dumbledore said looking pointedly at the two teens who both blushed bright red. "Let us continue our meeting. Harry, please roll up your sleeves. Miss Weasley, I think you should do the same," Dumbledore said. Both of them looked at each other. There was no way they were going to do that. But it didn't look like they would have much of a choice.

 **A/N: I am not very happy with this chapter, and I was struggling a bit with writer's block, but oh well. I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a review telling me what you think! Milo.**


	14. Chapter 14

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

 **A/N: Hello! Thank you for all the reviews I got! I didn't expect so many. I love hearing feedback, even if it's just to tell me I need to fix something, or that you don't like something. Also, thank you for all the suggestions!**

 **I had one complaint from someone that I am writing like a teenager. I don't exactly know what was meant by that, but I am fourteen years old so I am in fact a teenager.**

 **I have tried to look at everyone's suggestions and fix these problems, and I am trying to fix a few character issues as well. So thank you to everyone who reviewed! Milo.**

 **Chapter 14**

"Why are all these people here?" asked Harry. He didn't look very happy about it.

"Because we are here to help you Harry," answered Dumbledore.

"Why does he need all these people to help him?" Ginny asked.

"I'm not saying anything in front of all these people. Especially not him," Harry said, nodding towards professor Snape.

"Albus, it is clear that the boy doesn't want me here either, can I leave?" Severus asked snidely.

"No. Minerva, Poppy, perhaps it might be best if you wait outside for a moment. Severus I want you here," Dumbledore replied. McGonagall and Poppy left the room, giving the two teens a sad look. "Alright, now it is just the four of us. Will you talk to us?" Albus asked gently.

"No, why is he still here?" Harry asked, again nodding towards Snape.

"Because Professor Snape works with a lot of Slytherins who have had similar home lives to your own. I believe that he could help you," Dumbledore told him patiently.

Snape frowned at Albus for a minute. Surely he didn't mean… no. he couldn't. Pampered Potter can't have been abused, that's impossible. He was just like his father, arrogant and conceited, spoilt and pampered. The foolish boy was probably just making a fuss out of nothing. Maybe his relatives accidently bumped him one morning. Or maybe they teased him a bit. That would be it. Stupid Potter, always creating problems out of nothing.

"With all due respect Professor," Ginny said, a slight sarcastic tone in her voice, "how is Professor Snape going to be able to help Harry if the two of them hate each other's guts?" Dumbledore chuckled.

"I think they can find a way around it. Now Harry, will you tell us what has been going on?"

"Nothing," said Harry. He knew it was stupid, and Sirius and Remus had probably already told Dumbledore what had happened, but he still didn't want to talk about it. He didn't even know if he could talk about it. The only person he had ever talked to was Ginny, but that was different. Harry knew that Ginny wouldn't reject him, wouldn't think he was stupid for just wanting to escape the pain that tore at his insides. Sure she would tell him off for hurting himself, but he thought that was part of the reason he felt comfortable with her.

She wasn't afraid to treat him like a normal person, despite all the stuff he'd been through. She wasn't afraid to tell him he was being a great bloody prat when he was in a mood. He knew she wouldn't treat him like he was fragile or broken. She would treat him just like she would anyone else. Even if she was being a little hypocritical, Harry could understand that. All he wanted to do was to take away her blade and forbid her from causing herself pain, even though he had been mad at her for trying to do the exact same thing to him. It hurt him to see her hurting herself, even though he knew why she did it, even though he did it himself.

"Harry, come now. I understand you don't want to talk about it, and I understand that you feel we are invading your privacy. But if one of my students is in a dangerous situation, then I need to know about it. Even if you don't want me to know. Harry this can't go on and I think you know that. So please, talk to us. You can trust every person in this room, and you can be assured that we will not tell anyone else what is said in here unless completely necessary and we will not do so without informing you. I cannot promise that we will not do so without your consent, but we will allow you to have a large amount of control over who does and doesn't' know about this," said Dumbledore gently. Harry could see that the headmaster was gravely worried about him. All the staff had told him that Dumbledore cared a great deal about him; even the portraits in Dumbledore's office had told him that.

Harry sighed in defeat. He knew he had to tell them. Hell, a part of him wanted to tell them, just to get it all off his chest. "Let's start with the Dursleys Harry. Sirius tells me that they've hurt you?"

"Er… yes they did. But it's not bad or anything. It's nothing," Harry told him. Dumbledore merely raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing?" he asked.

"Nothing," Harry confirmed. Sirius' eyes fluttered closed as he tried to keep his temper under control.

"Harry, please don't do this," Sirius pleaded. "You know it's not nothing. What I saw this morning was definitely something. Also Ginny said you were wearing glamours. I don't know how on earth she knew that, but knowing you she's probably right and you have covered up most of the damage. Please just show us Harry. We want to help you," Sirius looked his godson in the eyes and saw all of the pain and fear that he had been hiding. He truly felt sorry for him. He remembered how hard it had been when Minerva had found out about his home life.

"Fine," Harry said. He stood up and slowly took off his shirt. Dumbledore stifled a gasp when he realized how malnourished Harry looked. There was an empty hollow where his stomach should be, and he could see every bone through his skin. Snape frowned. Why did he look like this? Was starving himself some petty cry for attention? Then Harry turned around. There were scars covering most of his back. All of them were healed which struck Dumbledore as odd. If Harry had been at his relatives less than three weeks ago, shouldn't there be new ones?

Snape was in shock. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He was being forced to completely reevaluate any opinions that he had made about Harry. He had always thought him to be the pampered prince the media made him out to be. Just like his father had been. But here was proof that he was not. As Severus looked at the scars and thought about everything the other teachers had said about him, remembered his courage standing up for his friends when he picked on the Gryffindors, he realized what everyone had been telling him all along. He was so much like Lily. There was barely any of James in his personality. The Weasley girl had been right; he saw James' face and hair and judged him based on his father's personality. Oh how wrong he had been.

"Harry, how long has this been going on? Some of these look quite old," Dumbledore asked.

"Since I was about five. That's when they started making me do all the work around the house. I would be punished for doing anything wrong. It got worse when I started doing accidental magic," Harry told them quietly.

"Harry, I would like you to take off the glamours please," Dumbledore said.

"I-I'm not allowed to do underage magic," Harry said, trying to get out of showing them the worst of the abuse.

"Harry, this house has wards on it that prevent the Ministry from detecting underage magic. I'm sure you already knew that. I would ask that you please do not make Mr. and Mr. Weasley aware of this fact, for I believe we would not be allowed a moments rest. Also, Molly may have a nervous breakdown," Dumbledore smiled. Harry and Ginny laughed at this. They couldn't imagine the hell Fred and George would unleash if they could do magic. Harry turned back around to face hem and took his wand from his pocket. He waved it over himself, silently removing the charms. Everyone in the room gasped.

Immediately, his arm swelled to twice its normal size. It appeared to be badly broken. His ribs stuck out even more if that was possible, and dark purple and black bruises covered his ribcage and stomach. They appeared to be starting to heal around the edges, where they were turning a nasty blue color. Dumbledore looked down at his stomach and had to fight to suppress the surge of magic that had risen up inside him because of his rage. There, engraved on Harry's stomach was the word 'Freak'. It looked like it had been cut into him with a knife of some sort.

"Turn around," Sirius said hoarsely. Harry turned around. His back was even worse. There was not a part of his back that had not been turned a different color. It was decorated with blues, purples, black and red. There were indeed fresh belt marks across his back, some of them still bloody, possibly from where he had slept on them. There were three vertical scars running down the length of his back. They looked like they had been very deep cuts. Across Harry's shoulder blades someone had carved the word 'Useless'.

"Harry, why did you never tell anybody about this?" asked Dumbledore. Harry was embarrassed to see tears in the old man's eyes.

"Because it's nothing. It doesn't matter, I can handle it," Harry said.

"I do not doubt that you are strong Harry, but you shouldn't have to be able to handle this. It does matter a great deal Harry," Dumbledore told him.

"Harry, I am so sorry. I never knew about this and I should have. I am so sorry Kid," Sirius said. It was taking all of the restraint he had not to cry in front of all these people.

"It's not your fault!" Harry exclaimed, horrified he could think that. "I didn't tell you, there's no way that you could have known!"

"That doesn't matter. I am meant to be your godfather. I am supposed to be here for you. I am supposed to help you. But I didn't. I am so sorry," Sirius told him.

"It's not your fault Sirius!" Ginny told him. "Merlin you're almost as bad as Harry!" Harry snorted.

"Gin, I think he's worse," Harry said.

"No, I don't think anyone is as bad as you Harry," Ginny smirked. Harry sighed.

"It was worth a try," he grumbled. Ginny snickered at his childishness. It was good to see him act like a teenager sometimes. Harry smiled gratefully at her. That was another reason he loved her; even in the darkest of times she would still find some reason to laugh. Some way to make everybody smile even if it was just for a minute.

"Foolish children. This is not a laughing matter!" Snape told them.

"Ah my dear boy, sometimes that is precisely why we laugh," Albus smiled at him. Severus just looked at him as if he had completely lost the plot. Harry and Ginny chuckled quietly. Sirius and Remus were staring at Harry's battered torso. How had they been so blind as to not realize? Harry seemed to read their thoughts.

"It's not your fault," he reminded them. He could tell they didn't believe him.

"Why did they do this to you Harry?" Remus asked, horrified at the scars and wounds on the boy's back.

"Because they think I'm a freak, they thought my mother was a freak, they thought my dad was a useless piece of garbage and they think that magic in any shape or form is unnatural and should not exist. Oh, and I learnt when I was around eight that using your imagination apparently counts as magic. They beat me for that too," The adults all stared at him, at a loss as to why those scumbags would do such things to such a wonderful young boy just because of who his parents were.

"What are those three scars on you back from?" asked Sirius, his eyes made of dark fire, burning with rage.

"Er… well," Harry mumbled. He seemed embarrassed. "I got them for, erm, screaming during the night. I, uh, woke them up," Harry stuttered. Ginny looked at him with a sad frown. When she had had nightmares at home, her mother had brought her hot milk; she had talked to her and made her feel better. She would sit with her until she fell asleep again. She couldn't imagine being beaten just because she had a nightmare. She didn't want to imagine it.

"Oh Harry," Ginny whispered wrapping her arms around his waist. Harry patted her on the back hesitantly. He didn't like showing affection in front of people.

"What about the… the words. What are they from?" Sirius asked his godson, his eyes tearing up.

"Can I put my shirt back on?" asked Harry. He was feeling very uncomfortable with this whole conversation, and the fact that he still wasn't wearing a shirt made him even more terrified. On the surface he looked fairly calm, like he was handling the situation rather well. But underneath, his mind was screaming at him to stop talking. All his life he had learnt that the way to protect himself was just to not talk. He hated talking about himself.

It was so hard, sharing his deepest darkest secrets with these people as if they were nothing. He hated talking to people about anything, even if it was just a conversation about homework or something. He could probably count on one hand the amount of people he felt comfortable having just a casual conversation with. This was so much worse. Every part of his mind was telling him to run, to hide and never come out, and to just stop talking. But he knew that he couldn't do that. If he did he would just be dragged back and it would make things ten times worse.

"Yes Harry, you may," Severus said. Everyone looked at him in surprise, apart from Dumbledore. Dumbledore smiled at Severus, his eyes twinkling. Once Harry got over his shock, he reached down and grabbed his shirt, hurriedly pulling it over his head.

"Now, what are the words from?" asked Sirius again firmly. He felt like breaking down, just collapsing on the floor and crying. His godson had been so badly abused and he hadn't been there. If only he had not gone after Peter that night. He would never forgive himself for this. But right now, he needed to stay strong. If he started breaking apart it would make Harry feel so much worse.

"It doesn't really matter," Harry said uncertainly. It was clear he didn't really want to share these stories.

"You don't have to tell us Harry," Snape interrupted, glaring at Sirius. Sirius looked like he was about to say something, but Remus put a comforting hand on his arm. Sirius looked furiously at Snape.

"But you do have to tell us about the scars and cuts on your wrists," Dumbledore said. "How did they come to be there Harry?"

"Sir, I think you already know. Me telling you would just be a waste of time," Harry said bluntly. Snape had to hold back a smile at the boy's bravery, disobeying Dumbledore.

"Yes, well Harry. Why are they there?" asked Dumbledore, still kindly.

"Because I put them there," was Harry's answer. Ginny giggled, but quickly turned it into a cough when Remus shot her a sharp look. Sirius would probably be laughing if the conversation wasn't so serious.

"Yes Harry, we know, but why did you put them there?"

"Because I wanted them there."

"Why did you want them there?"

"Because I did."

"That's not very helpful Harry."

"It wasn't meant to be."

"I see we are not going to get very far with this conversation."

"No, no we aren't." Harry and Dumbledore looked at each other. Snape was now trying to hide his grin and Ginny was giggling into Harry's shoulder again. Even Remus and Sirius were now smiling. Dumbledore seemed the only one who was not amused at Harry's antics.

"You need to talk about it Harry," Dumbledore encouraged gently.

"Fine, I'll talk about it," Harry told him. Everyone looked at him in shock. "In a few hundred years when we're all dead."

"Yes, but then you can't talk about it, you'll be dead," Dumbledore pointed out.

"I'm not very good with logic, I just don't want to talk about it," Harry replied casually.

"Alright, that is enough I think," Dumbledore said. His voice had remained calm and gently throughout the conversation, if you could even call it that, although you could tell that he was getting quite annoyed.

"Why don't we finish this meeting after some lunch?" Remus suggested, seeing that the headmaster was getting rather fed up with the teen's nonsense.

"Good idea Moony. Also, you two had better pack, you'll be going back to school in a few days," Sirius said. Harry and Ginny nodded, and Harry ran from the room, dragging Ginny behind him, before anyone could say anything else. Ginny and Harry didn't slow their pace until they had almost reached the kitchen.

"Harry you do need to talk about this you know," Ginny said softly.

"I know IGn, but how would you feel if they told you that you had to talk about your cuts?" Harry asked.

"I know. I know I'm being a hypocrite and I'm probably annoying the hell out of you Harry, but I care about you so much. I just want to see you get better, and if that means being a hypocritical bitch then so be it," Ginny told him firmly. Harry chuckled.

"Fine, but I'm doing the same to you," Harry said. Ginny rolled her eyes.

"I guess I can't argue, can I?" she asked.

"Nope," Harry replied before walking into the kitchen. Ginny followed behind shaking her head. This was going to be a hard few days for both of them.

 **A/N: Hello! I really don't like this chapter. Sorry, it's not great. I hop the next one will be better! Milo.**


	15. Chapter 15

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters used in this story.

 **A/N: Hello! Sorry it's been so long, I got a new computer and it took a while to get Microsoft Word installed. I have just read over the last few chapter and found a lot of errors and things that need to be fixed. Sorry about that. I hope the rest of the story will be better, and have less stupid plot holes! Once the story is finished, I plan on going back and fixing a few things that need to be fixed. Milo.**

 **Chapter 15**

"Hey Harry, where have you and Ginny been all morning?"" Ron asked suspiciously when the two walked into the kitchen. Although his friends often told him he was very dense when it came to things like feeling and relationships, even he had noticed that Harry and Ginny had seemed a lot closer lately.

"Oh, we were just talking with Sirius and Remus," Harry replied evasively. "Hey, what's for lunch?" he asked, quickly changing the subject. Ron and Hermione weren't fooled.

"We're having chicken sandwiches. What were you talking to Sirius and Remus about?" Hermione asked. Harry and Ginny both looked at each other hesitantly.

"Nothing much," Ginny told them before sitting down and pulling Harry into the seat next to her. They now sat opposite Ron and Hermione at the very far end of the table. Harry and Ginny quickly struck up a conversation about the amount of homework they would be getting this coming school year. Ron and Hermione joined in, realizing that they weren't going to get anything out of their stubborn friends.

After a few minutes, Mrs. Weasley brought over their lunches before bustling out of the room, probably off to clean something else.

"So, now will you tell us what you were talking to Sirius and Remus about?" Hermione asked quietly once the door had shut. Harry and Ginny looked at each other again. They both knew that they wouldn't be able to hide this from their friends forever. Ginny grabbed Harry's hand under the table and gave him a reassuring nod.

"Uh – we were just talking about…" Harry's voice trailed off. He didn't know why he was so nervous. This was Ron and Hermione, his best friends in the world. He knew he could tell them anything, he knew that they would always be there for him. But somehow that didn't make it any easier. His two friends looked at him expectantly. Harry sighed.

"We were just talking about what happened," Harry said. "The other day." Ron and Hermione seemed to be expecting this. Of course, Sirius and Remus would want to talk to him about it.

"Harry…" Hermione started cautiously. "I know you told us that you didn't mean it… and I believe you and everything. It's just… if you don't want to die, then why do you do it? I don't understand, I mean, I've never wanted to hurt myself before. I know that people do it, I just don't get why. And I want to know why, because I want to help you Harry." Hermione seemed nervous about Harry's response. He could be very unpredictable sometimes; he had a terrible temper and hated to talk about personal things.

Harry eyed the other two wearily before turning to Ginny. It was funny how he just automatically turned to her whenever he felt unsure or needed help. And it was also funny that Ginny seemed to know exactly what he needed.

"I guess the main reason is that the physical pain takes away the emotional pain," Ginny told them knowing that Harry wouldn't be able to do this on his own. Harry smiled gratefully at her, and Ginny offered a small reassuring nod in return. Harry cleared his throat.

"Right. I guess it makes everything… easier to deal with. Gives me – something to focus on… when things get too hard." Harry and Ginny both knew there was a lot more to it than that. But it wasn't like Harry could tell them the rest of it. He couldn't tell them how much he loved the pain, how much he needed it. He couldn't tell them about the twisted, sick joy and relief that he felt when the blade sliced his arm. He couldn't tell them how it was almost like he was getting revenge on himself for all the innocent lives that had been lost because of him. Cedric, his parents, and others that Harry hadn't even known. He couldn't tell them any of that. That was personal.

Hermione nodded, taking in and processing the new information. "Ginny how did you know that? Did Harry just tell you? Or…" Hermione couldn't finish her sentence. Ron's head whipped around so fast Harry was sure he had hurt his neck.

"What are you suggesting?" Ron demanded looking furiously at Hermione. It sounded to him like Hermione was suggesting Ginny had… hurt herself.

"I'm not suggesting anything Ronald, I was just asking," Hermione assured him. Ron did relax; instead he turned to his sister. Ginny's cheeks were a light shade of pink and she was staring down at her lap playing with Harry's fingers.

"Well? How did you know that Ginny?" Ron demanded. This time, instead of anger his scorching gaze was full of worry and concern. Although many people thought he had the emotional range of a teaspoon as Hermione put it, he was actually quite observant. Especially when it came to people that he knew and cared about, and right now he could tell his sister was hiding something. Surely she hadn't… no, that was impossible.

"Well… Harry did tell me that," Ginny whispered. She drew in a shaking breath, unsure of how to phrase what she had to say. She'd never told anyone about her self-harming apart from Harry. She had also had to talk to her parents about it because Sirius told them, but she hadn't actually told them anything.

She felt so sorry for Harry; she couldn't imagine how hard it would be for him with all those people in there interrogating him like that. Ginny thought they were handling it really terribly, and she could tell that both Remus and Snape though so too, but Remus would never speak up against Dumbledore. She wasn't sure about Snape though; he had stood up for Harry back in the room. Ginny knew that if Snape thought what Dumbledore was doing was wrong he wouldn't have a problem standing up to Dumbledore. The only problem was whether he would stand up for his enemy's son.

Harry carefully detached his hand from hers and wrapped his arm protectively around her. She leaned happily into his embrace, drawing comfort from his closeness. Ginny didn't wan to tell Ron and Hermione about her self-harming, but it didn't look like she had another option at the moment. Also, a small part of her wondered whether she would feel better once she told them about it. Ginny gave up on talking and instead rolled up her jacket sleeve to reveal the fresh cuts that had been made only a day ago.

Hermione gasped and hurried around the table. She wrapped her arms around Ginny awkwardly, unable to give her a proper hug because of Harry's arm around the younger girl's shoulders. Ron sat there in shock. This was his baby sister. The baby sister that he should have been looking out for all these years. He should have known about this; he should have been there for her.

"Ginny," Ron choked. "I am so sorry. I should have known about this. I should have helped you," Ron said.

"Ron, don't. There was no way you could have known. Don't start feeling guilty because of this, we don't need another Harry. One is more than enough," she joked. Everyone laughed slightly.

"You knew about this?" Ron turned to Harry. Harry was suddenly very scared of his best mate.

"Well… I only found out recently. I've been helping her as much as I could, and she's been helping me," Harry said quietly.

"Thank you," Ron said. Everyone could hear the sincerity in his voice. "I wish you had told me, but I guess I understand that she wouldn't have wanted you to." Harry nodded at him.

"Alright, well I have had enough sadness for today. How about some good news?" Ginny asked grinning up at Harry. Harry smiled back knowing what she had in mind. He wasn't too keen on telling Ron that he was dating his baby sister, but anything to get them off this topic.

"What?" the other two asked at the same time. Hermione returned to her seat.

"Well… Ginny and I – err… you see we kind of…" Harry looked to Ginny for help. Ginny rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Why do I always have to tell people things for you?" she asked playfully.

"Well, this involves you as well!" Harry said.

"You're just a coward," Ginny smirked.

"My dear Ginevra, you wound me!" Harry cried, taking his hand from around her shoulders and placing it above his heart. "Besides, when was the last time you had six angry Weasley brothers chasing after you?" he asked indignantly. Ginny giggled. Ron and Hermione gasped, waiting for Ginny to explode; she hated her full name, and had let her brothers know this many times by the use of her infamous bat bogey hex. The explosion didn't come.

"They're not that scary Harry. Besides, they won't touch you. Then they'd have me to answer to," Ginny told him cheerfully.

"Well, you are pretty scary," Harry muttered truthfully, wrapping his arm back around her shoulders.

"Don't you forget it," Ginny whispered in his ear. Harry shook his head, a grin on his face.

"Ginny and I are… together," Harry told them. He looked down at the table, a bright red blush creeping up his neck.

"Congratulations!" Hermione squealed, jumping up to hug them both tightly. Ron watched the scene thoughtfully. He wasn't exactly happy with his best mate dating his sister. But even he had seen how much they both trusted each other and needed each other, just in their short conversation they'd just had. He knew that harry would treat her right. He couldn't deny that Harry was a good bloke. No bloke would ever be good enough for his sister, but Harry was pretty damn close. Also, he knew that they needed each other now, more than ever. They were the only ones who could truly help each other through this. He didn't know why Ginny would hurt herself, and knowing his sister he was unlikely to find out. But he just hoped she would tell Harry and he would help her. Everyone else could make them talk about it, they could get them mind healers or potions. But Harry and Ginny had both been through terrible things; they both had trouble trusting anyone. They really were the only ones that could help each other out of this mess.

Harry turned to Ron nervously after Hermione had finished trying to suffocate them.

"You treat her right," Ron said. Then he smiled. "Congratulations guys." Harry grinned at him and nodded. Hermione looked at Ron in shock.

"What? "asked Ron, catching her staring eyes on him.

"When did you get so mature? "she asked. She was used to childish Ron who never noticed anyone but himself, who never considered other people's opinions or feelings. It wasn't that he didn't care, he just didn't notice.

"I've always been mature, I just don't show it often," Ron said in an all too innocent voice. Everyone laughed. The words Ron and mature in the same sentence was just too funny for them all."

"I got new exploding snap cards in Diagon Alley last week!" Ginny exclaimed excitedly. "We should have a game!"

"Loser has to wear a green and silver shirt on the train!" Ron cried running up the stairs. The other three raced after him, all bumping each other out the way in an effort to get up the stairs first. Their previous conversation forgotten for the moment, they spent the rest of the afternoon playing and laughing like normal teenagers.

 **A/N: Hello! Sorry this is such a short chapter and I'm so sorry it's been so long! I got a new computer a few weeks ago and I only just got it working! It was playing up and it took me ages to install Microsoft Office. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's not as good as I would have liked, but leave a review telling me what you thought! Milo.**


	16. Chapter 16

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters used in this story. I only own the plot.

 **A/N: Hello! Sorry the last chapter was so short, this one will be longer. I have been reading through reviews and my old chapters to try to find things that need to be fixed or improved. I found a lot of things. Hope you enjoy this chapter! Leave a review telling me what you thought!**

 **SORRY! I know it's been ages since I updated, but I was really sick for several weeks and then right after I started writing this I left to Singapore for two weeks. I will definitely be updating more regularly! Milo.**

 **Chapter 16**

Ginny sat on her bed in the silent, dark room. Tears cascaded down her face leaving silvery trails that shined in the small slivers of moonlight that illuminated the room through the thin, threadbare old curtains. Sirius had offered to set up a room for Ginny so she wouldn't have to share with Hermione. Ginny had gratefully accepted, concerned about the number of times she had woken the older witch up in the night with her screaming and thrashing. She was sure Sirius had seen how much it annoyed her to have the other witch fussing over her every night. Hermione really did mean to help, she just didn't know how.

Being in this place had brought back her old nightmares again. She wasn't sure why this was, but Ginny thought it might have something to do with the fact that she was staying in the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, the organization that was fighting Voldemort. It could also just be the aura of dark magic that seemed to emanate from the old, mouldy walls.

Ginny jumped from her bed and ran to the small, worn out chest of drawers on the other side of the room. In the bottom drawer, hidden underneath her makeup and jewellery box was a small coin purse decorated with little red and gold gemstones. Inside were six little strips of metal that had been taken out of a broken muggle shaving razor. She chose one at random and hastily shoved the little purse back in its hidden place in the wooden drawer. Ginny sat back down on her lumpy old mattress and hurriedly rolled up the sleeve of her purple pyjama top.

Quickly, Ginny dug the shining silver blade into the skin on her forearm and dragged it quickly across her wrist. Blood flowed from the wound creating neat little rivers down her arm. She did this one, two, three more times, but she still didn't feel a thing. She was starting to understand why Harry had gone so deep, and cut himself so many times. At first, she had been confused as to why he would do that when he knew full well the dangers of cutting so deep. But now she understood; he was trying to feel again.

Ginny studied her wrist carefully; there was certainly a pattern beginning to emerge. Down near her wrist, the scars were thin and faded, shimmering slightly in the dim white light. But as her gaze moved slowly up her too thin arm, the cuts got deeper, the scars thicker, scarier to look at. Ginny began to cry again; the now dry tear tracks were replaced quickly by fresh ones. She grabbed the blade in her right hand and slashed violently at her wrist, right up near her hand. It took her a good ten seconds to realize what she'd done.

The blood was rushing out of the open wound a little too quickly for Ginny's comfort. It didn't look serious, but it was certainly deeper than she'd ever gone before. Ginny quickly grabbed a towel she had placed next to her bed, wrapping it tightly around her bleeding arm. Although the wound didn't look too deep, if she let it keep bleeding like that she could be in some trouble. She might not die, but she would certainly need medical attention. Ginny breathed a sigh of relief when the bleeding stopped five minutes later.

For what seemed like the millionth time that evening, thoughts of her own pale, bled out corpse lying on the cold, unforgiving wooden floor flooded Ginny's mind. She quickly banished those thoughts; she couldn't do that to Harry, as much as she felt it would ease her pain. But Harry was relying on her, and she knew that she relied on him too.

Ginny knew she needed to go to Harry before she did something stupid, but she was scared that he was going to be mad at her. After all, hadn't she lectured him mere hours ago about breaking that whispered promise they had made in the middle of that sleepless night? It seemed like forever since she had stood in that tiny cramped bathroom with Harry and confiscated his blade. So much had happened. Ginny knew she was being a hypocrite and she felt terrible about it. But if that was what it took to keep Harry safe, then she would do it. After all, she would rather have Harry hate her than not be around to hate her. Even so, it killed Ginny knowing she had broken their promise. She told him off for hurting himself but then took a blade to her wrist the first chance she got. What kind of a girlfriend was she?

Ginny jumped out of bed and ran out of her bedroom, not bothering to try to muffle her loud footsteps, or quiet the echoing bang of the door against the green and silver wall. She sprinted down the hall to the very last door and burst through it, slamming it shut violently behind her. Ignoring the fact that she had probably just woken the entire house, she proceeded to shake Harry awake.

"Harry! Harry wake up," she sobbed. Ginny wasn't sure why she was reacting like this, but she wasn't having a good night tonight. She just wanted to be held. She needed to feel the comforting pressure of him in the bed next to her, the warm feel of his arms holding her tightly to his chest. She needed him. After almost thirty seconds of relentless shaking, Harry woke.

"Ginny? What's wrong?" Harry asked her, concern filling his voice.

"I'm sorry," was all Ginny could whisper as Harry pulled her close. Harry didn't need Ginny to tell him what had happened. Didn't need to see the bloodstained towel to know why Ginny had come to him. Those two whispered words told him everything he needed to know.

Harry wrapped his arms around Ginny and held her while she cried. When she finally stopped, he moved away slightly so that he could look at her.

"Ginny, why did you do it?" he asked softly. Ginny just shrugged.

"I don't even know. I guess I just needed it," Ginny told him. "Harry I'm so sorry. What must you think of me?" Ginny sobbed. "I just lectured you about hurting yourself, told you off and confiscated your blade and then I broke the promise too. I am being such a prat!" Harry merely chuckled.

"It's alright, I understand. Right now I feel like yelling myself hoarse at you for doing this to yourself even though I was passed out on the bathroom floor only a few days ago. But we can't tell each other off," Harry said. "It's not going to help either one of us." Ginny nodded into his shirt.

"Ginny, I've told you a little bit about why I do this to myself, but I feel like I don't really know why you do it," Harry said nervously, weary of her reaction. "Would you tell me?" Ginny was still and silent for almost a whole minute. "It's okay, you don't have to," Harry reassured her.

"No. I want to. I just don't know how." Ginny took a deep breath. "You obviously remember my first year. What happened to me." Harry nodded his head. It wasn't something he was going to be forgetting any time soon. "At first Tom was perfectly nice. He acted like my friend and I believed him. He would listen to me, offer advice and I thought he was honestly trying to help. But then after a while I started getting these blank spots in my memories. It was like there were a few hours that simply didn't exist, and I didn't know where I had been or what I had been doing.

"I still remember finding myself in a random corridor, my hands covered in blood and wondering what I had been doing. Where I had been. I was so scared Harry, and I was only eleven years old. I didn't know what to do." Ginny paused to wipe the tears off her face. Harry held her tighter, his heart clenching painfully at Ginny's words and the pain that was so obvious in her voice.

"After a while I made the connection, between the blank spots and the diary. After all, Dad was always telling us to never trust anything unless you can see where it keeps it's brain. Something he learned from working in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office I suppose." They both laughed slightly, remembering some of the stories Arthur had brought home with him.

"After I figured it out, I tried to get rid of the diary. But then when I saw you had it, I was worried Tom would tell you everything I had told him. I was even more terrified that he would tell you who was opening the Chamber and then you would hate me." Ginny cast her eyes down, too embarrassed to look Harry in the face.

"I would never have hated you, you know that. It wasn't your fault," Harry told her softly. Ginny nodded, clearly unconvinced. "Hey, you don't really think I would have hated you do you?" Harry asked, alarmed.

"I didn't know you very well. And I thought that Tom would make it sound like it was my fault," Ginny whispered. Harry just held her tighter as she continued her tale.

"Anyway, after I got the diary back, Tom was so cruel. He told me things like no one loved, that I was always ignored, that my parents loved my brothers more than they did me." Ginny thought that if Harry held her any tighter she was going to suffocate, but she didn't mind. She knew it meant he cared about her.

"Why did you believe him Ginny?" Harry asked.

"Well when you're eleven years old and someone older and smarter than you says those things, you can't help but believe them I guess. I just felt so… unworthy. So unloved," Ginny mumbled. Harry closed his eyes. He knew what it felt like to have someone telling you that every little thing you do is wrong. He knew what it was like to feel unloved, unwanted. And he wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even his worst enemy.

"Then he made me write that last message on the wall, and he brought me down to the Chamber." Ginny started shivering, the tears now coming thick and fast. "He told me that I was a pretty girl. That maybe I could be of some use to him before I died. Then he… he…" Ginny's voice trailed off as sobs wracked her tiny frame. Harry held her, whispering meaningless reassurance in her ear just as he had done so many times before.

"What did he do to you Ginny?" Harry asked, absolutely terrified to hear the answer. He knew what was coming, but he didn't want to hear it. Didn't want her to make his worst fears come true. In just a few short weeks, Ginny had become the most important person in his life. She was his best friend, the first one he thought of when he needed help. To watch her go through so much pain was worse than any cruciatus curse Voldemort could throw at him. She didn't deserve what Tom did to her.

"He touched me," Ginny sobbed. "And then he kissed me, but I punched him in the face, and he took my wand. He used it to put me under the cruciatus curse. It hurt so badly. I don't remember anything after that." Harry closed his eyes, fighting off the rage that hit him like an earthquake, sudden, forceful and destructive. How dare he?

"Ginny, why did you never tell anybody this? Someone could have helped you," Harry told her with an expression of forced calm. Anyone who didn't know Harry would think he was unaffected by Ginny's story, but Ginny saw the spark in his emerald eyes that spoke volumes, telling her more than angry words ever could. She could see he was furious. Most people were terrified of Harry's temper, but it made Ginny feel safe knowing that he would fight for her, just as she would fight for him.

"Would you have told anybody?" was Ginny's reply. Harry agreed with her, but that didn't make him any happier about it.

"So this is why you started hurting yourself," Harry said. Ginny nodded.

"After he… after that I felt so dirty. So violated. When he was torturing me, it hurt like hell, but I couldn't help thinking that I deserved it. That it was my fault, that there was something wrong with me, and that's why he chose me instead of someone else. And then the next year at school, everyone knew that I had been the one opening the Chamber. The Slytherins would make a big deal of it, surrounding me in the corridors and yelling that the Heir of Slytherin was coming through, just like Fred and George did to you. But they didn't mean it to be funny. So I started hurting myself.

"After a few years, I realized that it wasn't my fault. That I was eleven and there was nothing I could do. Sure I could have listened to my father about the brain thing, stopped writing in the diary once I realized what it was. But there were so many things so many people could have done. I tried to stop, but I was addicted.

"I was addicted to the pain; addicted to how it made me feel; addicted to watching my own blood drip down my wrist. I was addicted to looking in the mirror and watching myself grow thinner and thinner until there was an unnatural gap between my thighs and every single one of my ribs poked out of my skin. I was addicted to the pretty patterns on my wrist and what they represent. And I couldn't stop."

Harry listened as Ginny painted her terribly twisted picture using only words. He had never fully understood the magnitude of what she had been through. Sure he knew she had been possessed, but he had never thought about how she must have felt, waking up somewhere with no recollection of the past few hours, only knowing that she had done something terrible. And he certainly never knew the full extent of the emotional damage Tom had done.

"I will kill him," Harry vowed. "I will kill him for what he did to you." Ginny couldn't help but wince slightly at his cold, unforgiving tone.

"Not without me you won't," she said, her voice steady and unwavering. If it were Ron or Hermione, he may have argued, but he knew that Ginny would be with him every step of the way; there was nothing he could do about it. Both fell into an uneasy sleep, haunted by images from Ginny's horrifying tale.

 **+APWBDAPWBDAPWBD+**

"Albus, cornering them again is not going to work! You saw how terrified they were!" Remus exclaimed indignantly.

"Yes, but they spoke to us. That's all I'm worried about," Dumbledore replied gravely.

"Albus, I know you mean only the best; anyone with eyes can see how deeply you care for Harry. But this is not the way to get them to speak to us!" Remus said firmly.

Sirius, Remus, Severus and Minerva sat in the comfortable wooden chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk. Their attempt to get Harry and Ginny to talk about what was happening had failed miserably.

"Albus, Remus is right," Sirius cut in. "As I'm sure you remember, I know what it is like to have people press you for personal information like that. There were too many people in that room, even after you kicked Minerva and Poppy out. They were scared, they were frightened and they didn't tell us shit," Sirius said, his fingers massaging his temples as if he was warding off a headache.

"I know," Dumbledore conceded miserably, his customary twinkle absent from his bright blue eyes. "But we need to help them. They have suffered so much already, they don't deserve this. They are merely children and they have been through pain I would not wish on my greatest enemies." Dumbledore paused, looking at Sirius wearily; he knew the man would not like what he had to say next.

"I think that, after reviewing your concerns, the best thing for Harry and Ginny is to have them meet regularly with both Sirius… and Severus." Dumbledore had expected the uproar that followed his words.

"Why on earth do I have to talk to the brats?"

"Bloody greasy git will probably make them want to hurt themselves more!"

"The child is as arrogant as his late father once was."

"I refuse to work with him, and I refuse to leave my godson and Ginny in a room alone with him!"

"Stupid mutt has taught them both to hate my guts! How the bloody hell am I meant to deal with such insubordination!"

Remus had his head buried in his hands and Minerva's lips were about as think as Albus had ever seen them. After about a minute of this, Dumbledore apparently got sick of the childish insults and whining.

"SILENCE!" Albus roared, making everybody jump. "As I said, I think that this is what is best for harry and Ginny. Sirius, you have experienced abuse at the hands of family members before. Severus, you know why I am asking you," Dumbledore said, his X-Ray eyes surveying both of the men. "I am not discussing this anymore, you will have to work together. I expect you both to be on your best behaviour."

Remus couldn't help but snort slightly at this.

"Is there something wrong, my dear boy?" Albus asked Remus, the twinkle back in his eyes.

"Nothing at all sir," Remus replied.

"That will be all then," Dumbledore told them, effectively dismissing them all. He merely rolled his eyes at the mutters that could be heard as Sirius and Severus walked down the stairs. Albus chuckled to himself; it was good to know that some things would never change.

 **A/N: Hello! I don't really like the ending, but oh well. Tell me what you thought! I promise the next chapter will be up much sooner than this one was! Milo.**


	17. Chapter 17

**An Unhealthy Escape**

 **A/N: Hello! I am so sorry! I know it has been way too long! First I had a serious case of writers block, then I started high school. I know those are lame excuses, but I'm hoping you'll forgive me since I'm posting a new chapter! I promise that I have NOT forgotten about this story, and that I shall continue to update it, even if there is a long time between updates. I will let you know if I plan on abandoning the story. I hope that anyone who is still reading this enjoys it! Milo.**

 **Chapter 17**

The last week of the summer holidays seemed to fly by at an alarming rate to the inhabitants of number 12 Grimmauld Place. With Harry's accident and the fallout from the shocking revelations that had followed everybody had certainly been kept busy. Much to the relief of Harry and Ginny, the adults seemed to have given up trying to talk to them; for the rest of the summer at least. Neither of them were stupid enough to believe that the interrogations were over, but nevertheless, they were beyond glad that they seemed to be taking a more tactful approach this time around.

As was usual in Weasley household, the residents at the Order Headquarters woke on the morning of September 1st to utter mayhem. Ron was running around trying to stuff forgotten items into his trunk as Hermione gave him her standard lecture on disorganisation. The twins had decided that instead of carrying their trunks down the stairs, they should simply levitate them instead; this seemed a good idea until Fred's flying trunk knocked Ginny down the stairs. Sirius of course was adding to the pandemonium, tearing through the chaotic hallways in dog form, skidding around corners and running into anyone unfortunate enough to try to walk past him. While annoying, it did provide some comic relief when Sirius ran head first into a wall.

Harry and Ginny stood with Remus the kitchen doorway, watching on calmly as the rest of the house descended into madness. They had tried having a conversation, but over both Mrs. Weasley's loud protests at her boy's antics and Mrs. Blacks complaints about the so-called scum that now infested her once Noble House, it was rather impossible.

Finally, when everyone was ready the group of teens exited the dark gloomy house along with Molly, Tonks, Remus and, despite everyone's protests, Snuffles. Harry thought the muggles must think them all mad. First there was the Weasley twins playing rather loud and boisterous game of catch with a bright red Quaffle, then Tonks with her bubble-gum pink spiky hair and of course Sirius who was chasing butterflies up the street much to Harry and Ginny's amusement. Ron was arguing loudly with Hermione about whether as a prefect he was allowed to take points from Slytherins simply for being placed in the wrong house. His main points seemed to be 'snakes are slimy' and 'Malfoy is a git'.

It took the strange group about twenty minutes to reach king's Cross on foot where they met Mad-Eye, who was wearing a tilted bowler hat to cover his magical eye and pushing a trolley laden with all six trunks, two owls and Crookshanks who could be heard hissing angrily from inside her basket. All of the teens had to resist the urge to laugh at Mad-Eye's ridiculous hat. They weren't sure that his eye wouldn't draw more attention. Tonks and Lupin helped everybody stuff their things into an empty compartment before returning to where Molly had just finished giving all the children at least three hugs each.

"Ginny," Molly said anxiously while everyone else was distracted. Ginny's cheeks tinged pink and she bowed her head; she knew what was coming. She was still upset that her family knew about her secret. Having her parents constantly fuss over her and worry about her was probably the most humiliating thing she had ever experienced in her life.

"Look after yourself," Molly pleaded. "Your father and I will be coming to visit every fortnight to see how both of you are doing, and Sirius is going to be staying at Hogwarts for the year," she continued. Ginny looked up at her mother excitedly.

"Sirius is coming?" she beamed.

"Yes," her mother answered. "And don't you let him fill your head with his nonsense about pranks and mischief!" Molly warned sternly, waving a finger in her daughter's face. Ginny simply gave her the mischievous yet innocent smile she had perfected when she was four and the twins started letting her take part in their pranks. Their other brothers had no interest in the fine art of trouble making, as the twins had quickly realised, so they had turned to their baby sister in the desperate hope that at least she would follow in their footsteps. The two had been delighted to find that their sister shared their love for pranks, although she didn't like to cause constant mayhem like they did.

Molly gave Ginny one more hug before letting her go. She then turned to Harry, giving him his fifth hug since they had arrived on the platform.

"I never thanked you Harry, for what you've done for Ginny," she said to a very embarrassed Harry. He glanced around quickly to see that the others were all immersed in their own conversations.

"Really Mrs. Weasley, it's nothing. You don't have to thank me. She's done a lot for me too," Harry muttered shyly.

"I know dear," Mrs. Weasley chuckled. "You both look after each other at Hogwarts okay?"

Harry nodded meekly before saying a hurried goodbye to everyone else and climbing aboard the train mere seconds before it rolled lazily out of the station, whistle blearing loudly, effectively blocking out the din of crying parents, screaming siblings and laughing children. Harry sighed as he turned away from the window.

For the first time since he was eleven years old, harry didn't feel the same rush of excitement at the fact that he was going back to Hogwarts. He never felt excited about anything anymore. He never felt happy or content either. He was always… sad, he guessed. But he never felt sad, just sort of like nothing mattered anymore. It was a hard feeling to explain really, he thought. It was like he couldn't feel anything; like no emotions could get through the invisible barrier he had constructed around himself. He was numb. That was one of the reasons he cut… the pain reminded him that he was still alive. That there was still a person inside the empty shell he had unwillingly become.

Harry was brought out of his daze by a loud explosion. Ron sat in the middle of the compartment, surrounded by tattered cards with a soot blackened face and no eyebrows. Harry couldn't help but laugh at the dopey look of shock on his mate's face. He heard Hermione and Ginny join in. Ron scowled at them before casting the spell that would regrow his eyebrows and unceremoniously stuffing the well-used cards back in their box.

The rest of the train ride passed without incident. Malfoy and his lackeys payed the friends their usual visit, but quickly left after realising that no one was taking any notice of them. In fact the closest they got to an insult was when Harry flipped them the finger and shut the compartment door in their face, locking it with a complicated charm he had taught himself when Sirius had raided his room over the holidays; needless to say, it could not be undone with a simple 'Alohomora'. They seemed to get the message.

Everything continued as normal until the four teens reached the carriages. Harry froze when he saw the carriages, which were being pulled by large skeletal horses with shining coats black as midnight.

"W-what are they?" Harry stammered, his wide green eyes fixed on the terrifying creatures that were harnessed to the front of the usually horseless carriages.

"What are you talking about Harry?" Hermione asked. The other three were staring around in confusion, trying to find what had caught Harry's eye.

"Those things… pulling the carriages," Harry said looking at his friends. They really were being quite daft in his opinion. How could they possibly not notice several large winged horses standing right in front of them?

"Harry, nothing's pulling the carriages," Hermione told him. "They're pulling themselves like always." Hermione, Ron and Ginny were now looking at him as if they were questioning his mental stability… well more so than before anyway.

"What do you mean? They're right there!" Harry cried, reaching out hesitantly to pet the strange creature. It turned its great head and looked at him with eyes of pure white; they were rather creepy really.

"Harry there's nothing there," Hermione said again. "Let's just get in the carriage." The other two followed her, casting hesitant glances at Harry. Harry sighed and climbed into the carriage behind them. Ginny silently looped her arm through his and grabbed onto his hand, resting her head gently on his shoulder. Harry didn't mention the creatures again.

The start of year feast passed in a blur for Harry; he couldn't keep his mind off the strange creatures pulling the carriages. What were they? And why couldn't anyone else see them? He did manage to pay attention to the new DADA teacher's speech, however, and didn't need Hermione's whispered exclamation to figure what it meant; the Ministry was interfering at Hogwarts. He also noticed that Hagrid was conspicuously missing from the head table, and had been replaced by a strangely familiar man with short brown hair and sharp facial features.

It wasn't the hair and features that seemed familiar though; Harry was fairly certain he'd never seen this man in his life. But there was something about the stormy grey eyes, which seemed so cold and haunted yet so full of laughter and mischief, that reminded Harry of someone. He just couldn't figure out who. Soon enough Dumbledore introduced the new Care of Magical Creatures teacher.

"Hagrid has unfortunately had to take a break from teaching. He is off somewhere in the South of France taking a well-deserved break," Dumbledore announced, his eyes lingering for a fraction of a second on Harry and his friends. They got the message; Hagrid was away on Order business. "However, Professor Stanley O'Connor has agreed to fill in for him while he is gone, and will continue on as Hagrid's assistant when he comes back." The man who seemed so familiar to Harry stood as polite applause filled the Great Hall. Harry looked over and frowned as he saw Ginny grinning and waving at the man.

"Who is he?" Harry asked curiously.

"You'll see," was his girlfriend's cryptic answer.

"Now," Dumbledore continued "prefect's please lead the first years to their dormitories. Now off to bed!"

"Hermione, Harry and I have to go see someone. What's the password?" Ginny asked hurriedly before Hermione went off to help the first years.

"The passwords 'mimbulus mibletonia'. Where are you going?" Hermione asked suspiciously.

"Just to see someone," Ginny answered evasively. "You should probably go and help Ron." Harry, Hermione and Ginny turned around to see Ron trying to round up all of the first years.

"Oi! Midgets! Yeah you, over here!" he screamed. Harry and Ginny burst out laughing as a look of horror crossed Hermione's face before she rushed off to stop Ron from insulting the poor eleven-year-olds.

Ginny dragged Harry through the mass of Hogwarts students fighting to get out of the Great Hall.

"Ginny, where are we going?" Harry called. He got no answer. Ginny grabbed his arm and dragged him all the way up to the head table.

"Hello Professor O'Connor!" she greeted the new professor cheerily. Harry stared at him in confusion, still trying to figure out where he had seen those eyes before.

"Hey firecracker," he laughed. "How did you know who I was?" the Professor answered. Harry's eyes widened in recognition; only one person dared call Ginny firecracker.

"Mum told me you were coming this year," Ginny said.

"Wait… you're going to be a professor? You?" Harry asked. Their new professor looked slightly offended.

"Why, you think I won't be a good professor?" he asked.

"Not unless you'll be teaching a class on how to be a nuisance to all the other teachers in the school," Harry retorted. The new professor burst into laughter.

"Whatever Kid," he said ruffling Harry's hair. Harry grinned; having Sirius at Hogwarts was going to be great.

 **+SBHPSBHPSBHPSBHPSBHPSBHP+**

Harry sat alone in his dorm later that night. It was funny; even here at Hogwarts, the closest thing to home he had ever known, he couldn't shake the loneliness and depression that he felt. Being here, back at Hogwarts, just reminded him of Cedric. It wasn't right, the way his life had been taken from him, how he had been taken from his friends and family. And it was all his fault.

Logically, Harry knew that he couldn't have known that the cup was a portkey. But Harry found his brain wasn't paying much attention to logic at the moment. If he had taken the cup himself Cedric would have lived. He was a murderer. He had taken a life by insisting that they take the cup together. It was his fault… all his fault. He was the one that deserved to die. Not Cedric. Not his parents.

Harry couldn't help the tear that ran down his face as he hastily opened his trunk, trying not to wake the other boys. He took out a small wooden box from his trunk. It was locked with the same locking charm he had used on the compartment door on the train; only his magical signature could unlock it. Harry could open the box easily, but if anyone else tried it would stay firmly shut, no matter how many unlocking charms, blasting hexes or reductor curses they used on it.

During the holidays Sirius, heavily disguised of course, had taken him into muggle London so that he could buy some new clothes. When harry had spotted a pharmacy nearby, he had asked Sirius if he could quickly duck into the bathroom where he hastily donned his invisibility cloak and snuck into the pharmacy. He had purchased a large stack of muggle razor blades. They were larger than the ones the he had broken from the shaving razor. They were sharper than his potions knife as well.

Harry felt a rush of adrenaline as he sat back down on his bed and removed one of the precious razors from the small box. It gave him a thrill, holding something that could so easily end his life. That could so easily take him away forever; end all the pain and suffering and guilt. He loved it. But it also terrified him.

The blade itself wasn't what terrified him. He terrified himself. He was scared of what the deadly looking blade made him want to do. He was scared of the scars on his wrist and what they said about him. He was scared of the relief that he felt every time he spilled his own blood. And he was absolutely terrified of how good it had felt that one time back at Grimmauld Place when he had cut so deep he had passed out… it felt so good he wanted to do it again.

Harry slashed violently at his wrist, the blood pouring out of the wound immediately. By the time harry realized what had happened there was a large red stain on the bedspread and his scarlet pyjama pants had been dyed an even brighter crimson. Harry couldn't help but laugh. What would the rest of the wizarding world think if they could see their supposed saviour now?

He was nuts. He had gone completely mad. He wasn't just a little depressed; he had been a little depressed after the Philosopher's Stone incident. He had been a little depressed after spending a few weeks with the Dursleys. But it seems the Triwizard Tournament and the guilt and pain that had resulted from the tragic death of Cedric had finally been Harry's breaking point. He had lost it. Completely. He was utterly insane, and he knew it. But he hid it. After all, he was already being labelled a loony for claiming the Dark Lord was back, he didn't need to add to it.

His manic laughter had woken someone else in the dorm. Ron rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked around for the source of the wicked cackling. He stumbled over to Harry's curtain, wondering to himself what the bloody hell his best mate could be doing at the ungodly hour of 2am. What he saw when he opened the curtains made him freeze in shock; Harry sat on his bed, laughing hysterically as blood poured from the self-inflicted wound on his wrist. Ron quickly shut the curtains and placed a silencing charm around the bed to avoid waking the other boys and ran out the door and through the portrait hole, ignoring the Fat lady's cries of protest.

"What on earth are you doing waking me in the middle of the night? You better have a good explanation for this young man!"

Ron ran through the halls, waking several portraits and running straight into several more. Finally after what seemed like forever he reached his Head of House's quarters. Ron's fist pounded on the door effectively waking Professor McGonagall.

"Mr. Weasley, what is the meaning of this?" she screamed as she opened the door, her lips thinner than Ron had ever seen them, and that included the time imposter Moody had turned Malfoy into a ferret. Ron stood there for a moment, panting heavily after his run.

"H-Harry…" Ron said, still breathing heavily. "Harry's hurt. He's gone mad. Completely lost it." That was all Ron managed to get out before McGonagall was running through the halls causing quite as much of a ruckus as Ron just had. She knew that Harry had been having difficulties. She knew that he had serious mental health problems, that he was self-harming, that he was abused. But nothing could have prepared her for the sight of her favourite student lying in his bed, still doubled over in hysterical laughter holding his injured wrist to his chest.

 **A/N: Hello! Sorry again that it's been so long. The next chapter will be up shortly (I know I said that last time, but that was before I was bombarded with assessments!) and I hope you enjoy this one. I am not very pleased with it myself, but please leave a review telling me what you thought! Milo.**


	18. Authors Note

**AUTHORS NOTE**

 **Sorry this isn't a chapter! Before people start jumping to conclusions, I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS STORY. This is just an update to let everyone know what's happening, because… I haven't updated in over a year.**

 **Anyway, obviously the theme of this story and some of the content is rather sensitive, and can be very triggering. When I started writing this story, I was struggling a lot. This story helped me a little with understanding some of those thoughts, blah blah blah. You probably don't care about that.**

 **Anyway, a while before I stopped writing this story, I started getting help for some mental health issues that I was having, and spent a very long year trying to recover from several illnesses, and relapsing badly into others. I realised that writing this story was not helping with my quote unquote recover, which lasted all of eight months, so I stopped writing it for a while.**

 **But, I'm back now, and I definitely plan to finish this story, although I think it's a fair way over halfway done so it might not be that long. Also, please bear with me, I am halfway through my second last year of high school, so the pressure is really starting to get insane especially taking high level maths, two high level sciences and Year 12 music, which contributes to my final results when I graduate. I know I left without saying anything last time, but I was not in a good place and I hope you're not too mad *runs and hides in cupboard*. But I will let you know if I pull something like that again, I promise!**

 **Ocean xx**

 **P.S: Changed username as well, for any confused people.**


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